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how to delay ejaculation

How To Delay Ejaculation

How To Find Ways To Delay Ejaculation

Bernard Apfelbaum, a sex therapist with a lot of experience of delayed ejaculation, thinks it results from a man’s lack of sexual desire and sexual excitement.

He observes that most of his clients have difficulty in reaching orgasm with a sexual partner present, and suggests that such difficulty in reaching orgasm and ejaculating might be caused by what he calls an “autosexual” orientation.

In other words: a man is only stimulated to orgasm by his own stimulation (often when he is masturbating on his own).

But men with delayed ejaculation (which you can read about here) often have hard and long lasting erections. You might ask – surely this is a sign of sexual arousal? Well, possibly. But then again, possibly not.

The fact that a man cannot get sufficiently aroused to ejaculate with a sexual partner can be masked by a hard and long lasting erection. But his hard erection may be neither an expression of sexual desire nor of sexual excitement.

It’s merely a physical response, a bodily reaction, being used by the man to fulfill his partner’s expectations of intercourse. Apfelbaum also suggested that, based on his experience, it was unlikely that men with delayed ejaculation have strong feelings of hostility, anger or rejection towards women.

More likely they were simply unable to be “selfish” enough to make their needs and wishes known to their sexual partners, or to stand up for their own sexual desires. In other words, men with DE are actually extremely self-controlling and conscientious about fulfilling the their duties as a sexual partner – the result of which is that they feel under immense pressure to satisfy their woman.

Never able to give enough, according to their internal belief system of how sex works, the man therefore also conveys the impression that his sexual partner is inadequate and cannot function sexually either. The couple gradually withdraw from sex as a mutually satisfying experience into a world of autosexuality (at least as far as the man is concerned).

In essence, in this theory, delayed ejaculation is the result of a lack of sexual arousal. And, interestingly, when men with ejaculation difficulties were interviewed in one study, they reported significantly lower levels of sexual arousal than men with normal sexual functioning, men with erectile dysfunction, and men who were looking to find out how to delay ejaculation. 

So, in short, men with a slow, late or delayed climax appear to be characterized by a low level of sexual desire.

This sexual reticence, this delay in reaching orgasm, could be caused by both physical and emotional factors, including low penile sensitivity, a high ejaculatory reflex threshold, and the psychological issues that have already been mentioned.

The Meaning Of How To Delay Ejaculation

During treatment, a sex therapist will interview a client to establish exactly how he feels about sexual activity. 

He might, for example, ask whether the man experiences pressure to perform sexually even before sex begins, or whether these feelings may emerge later during sexual activity.

Or he may try to establish if a man is “cut off” or emotionally detached from his involvement in the sexual act, i.e., if he is slightly dissociated, a condition known as “spectatoring”.

A therapist would also want to establish the degree of connection between a man’s level of sexual arousal and his ability to gain an erection. Other questions might include whether a man wanted to receive sexual stimulation from his partner, his level of and involvement in sexual fantasies, whether he had any feelings of guilt, and his ability to understand his own feelings and emotions during sexual contact with his partner.

That’s as opposed to having a focus on satisfying his partner. And it’s important to know about any sense of frustration or boredom during sex.

It’s important to establish how a man who can’t ejaculate understands his partner’s feelings, and what his level of anxiety about achieving orgasm during intercourse actually is (if he’s able to reach climax at all).

It’s also critical to understand how a man with delayed ejaculation masturbates. This isn’t just about the technique that he uses to achieve orgasm with his hand, or in any other fashion, but also about the inner mental processes that he undergoes, and especially the fantasy imagery which accompanies his masturbation.

The biggest key, perhaps, to a man’s sexual functioning is whether or not there is any level of sexual fantasy about which he feels conflicted and which tries to suppress.

Another key point in analyzing DE is the fact that many men will continue attempting to reach orgasm during intercourse up to a point where they lose their erection.

This critical moment is worthy of close examination, because whatever happens at the point where the man’s erection begins to fade is an important aspect of the origin and treatment of his ejaculation problems.

Finally, it’s important to understand that this particular sexual dysfunction can be the product of side effects of drugs taken for other medical conditions.

Psychoanalytic View Of Ejaculation Problems

The psychoanalytic view of delayed ejaculation is that it is the bodily appearance of unconscious fears associated with sex in general, and ejaculation in particular: for example, ejaculation is associated with castration or death, or an unwillingness to “give” (that is to say, give his ejaculate to the sexual partner). In essence, something that is unacceptable to an individual is repressed into the conscious mind because s/he cannot allow himself to think or feel it.

Once in there it is transformed into an impulse which manifests in that person’s behavior. In other words, a man’s reluctance to ejaculate is seen as a symptom of his unconscious hostility or resentment towards his sexual partner.

Apfelbaum has pointed out that there is another way of looking at this entirely: that is to say, a man who ejaculates in a very late fashion may be simply reflecting the fact that he does not want sex with his partner because he dislikes intercourse (or his partner).

In the absence of any justification or reason that will explain to his sexual partner why he feels this way, he instead adopts a pattern of behavior – albeit unconsciously – which involves rigid erections and long-lasting sex, whilst simultaneously and intensely resenting his role in (having to) satisfy his partner.

As Apfelbaum says, delayed ejaculation “is the mentality of the trapped… It is a foreign notion that he might need a good reason to refuse coital orgasms.”

Many men are accused of not wanting to “give” by their sexual partners. This suggests that the resistance to ejaculation is a symptom of a desire to “withhold” – an idea the psychoanalysts love!

But Apfelbaum suggests that this view represents the view of the partner and a generally held social consensus. There is no allowance in it for the fact that an individual man may actually not want to have sex, or that he may not enjoy sex if he does engage in it.

In general, it’s much more plausible to assume that a man who does not ejaculate during sex is in fact a man who is unable to “take, to be selfish, or responsible for his own pleasure, for the satisfaction of his own needs…..

Only when he is alone, masturbating without the presence of another individual, can he enjoy his sexual sensations and allow his desire and arousal to reach the point where he will ejaculate – mostly because he does not have to worry about the satisfaction of his partner.

delayed ejaculation, premature ejaculation

Aspects Of Premature Ejaculation

The Kinsey Institute is famous primarily for the research done by Dr Alfred Kinsey back in the 1950s. What perhaps is less well-known is that the Institute continues to carry out cutting-edge research into the effects of sexual dysfunction on human relationships.

In recent times a lot of the research that they have done has been guided by a theoretical model which suggests that the human sexual response and associated arousal is determined in an individual person by the balance between two systems in that person’s brain: the first is the sexual activation or excitation system, and the second is the sexual inhibition system, each of which has a different neurobiological basis. Implicit in this model, known as the Dual Control model, are three basic assumptions.

The first is that although sexual arousal is something that is the product of interactions between two or more human beings, the context of sex and the culture that they live in are important sources of stimulation in both an excitatory and in inhibitory fashion: nonetheless, the ultimate effects of these factors depends on the neurobiology of the men and women concerned.

The second assumption is that neurobiological inhibition of an individual’s sexual responses is an adaptive response (one which reduces the likelihood of sexual desire or activity) which inhibits sexual arousal and desire in a situation where this would be either harmful, dangerous or inappropriate.

The third assumption is that human beings vary in their capacity to be aroused and inhibited sexually.

Unfortunately a number of individuals have an extremely high or low propensity to be sexually stimulated, or an extremely high or low propensity for sexual inhibition. Clearly this will have a direct effect on their sexual behavior, either encouraging them to engage in high-risk sexual behavior or other types of problematic sexual behavior, or ensuring that they have such a high level of sexual inhibition that they experience sexual dysfunction.

Now one of the things which we do know is that novelty is very important in a couple’s sex life, and that lack of exploration of sexual techniques is going to decrease their sexual activity. 

Variation in sexual activity

Clearly this model may be extremely relevant to premature ejaculation and indeed relevant to delayed ejaculation. To establish the effects of premature ejaculation using this model of human sexuality, Bancroft and other experts have developed a Sexual Inhibition Scale and a Sexual Excitation Scale, both based on the questions that contribute to the score of individuals on these scales, and allowing an assessment of the impact of their individual sexual characteristics on their sexual performance.

It’s generally found that the emotions which cause the greatest difficulties in sexual relationships are resentment and insecurity. Naturally enough, as you may have experienced in your own relationship, these two emotions are intimately interconnected. Another big problem in relationships is anger, which is a normal consequence of any close relationship. Anger is, of course, something that tends to make people avoid intimate interactions and sex, but its effect is nothing like as intense as chronic unresolved resentment.

Many people who have sexual difficulties refuse to recognize the connection between their long-standing feelings of resentment or hurt and sexual problems they are experiencing, but the connection is undeniable. Whether or not a couple can cope with ongoing difficulties in a relationship depends on how they communicate: that includes not just the information they give about themselves, but also the method by which they communicate. Ineffective communication is often a cause of greater problems.

Another significant cause of sexual difficulties is anxiety – a factor that is often seen in premature ejaculation. Clearly it’s not always easy to separate cause-and-effect, in the sense that premature ejaculation may well be caused by anxiety, and in turn it can promote further anxiety about future sexual failure. The irony of this situation is that a man who is highly anxious when he approaches any sexual interaction is likely to ejaculate much faster anyway, thereby producing a positive reinforcement of rapid ejaculation.

Now, one of the interesting things about premature ejaculation is that of course not every couple experiences the same sexual dysfunction in the same circumstances, nor are they susceptible to the same level of intensity of sexual dysfunction arising in particular circumstances. So the question emerges: what is it that makes an individual have a particular level of vulnerability to sexual dysfunction? Why does premature ejaculation affect some men and not others?

One of the obvious things that affects the way a person responds to sexual stimulation is their beliefs and values about sex. A huge number of people grew up in an environment where sex was considered to be bad, perhaps even dirty.

Since children generally absorb unquestioningly the attitudes and beliefs that they see around them, many of us do hold views about sex that are predominantly negative, and may well serve to inhibit what should be a natural and spontaneous pleasure. Beliefs that are commonly expressed about sex include one that the majority of people probably share – that is to say, that we must not be seen or heard indulging in any form of sexual activity.

So when a person identifies sex as bad, there’s almost no doubt that there’s going to be a massive effect on their ability to enjoy sex as an adult in a fulfilling way.

It’s also not uncommon for emotions of disgust to be associated with sex, and the most common way in which these are manifested is vaginal aversion or an aversion to male ejaculate or to the smell or taste of the genitals. Again, it would not be surprising to find that somebody who experienced an aversion to the smell and taste of the vagina had a tendency to ejaculate rapidly – it’s a very effective way of getting away from the first of stimulus quite quickly. Clearly therefore, premature ejaculation may be closely linked to problematic sexuality or beliefs about sex that are somewhat dysfunctional.

In addition, people who have a strong need for self-control may fear the loss of self and loss of control that occurs at the moment of orgasm; some may actually dislike how they look during orgasm, or they may fear the increased vulnerability that sex can entail. Once again this level of dysfunctional thinking around sex can promote a high level of anxiety in an individual, and as we’ve already seen, a high level of anxiety is often a precursor of early climax in men.

Naturally enough, sexual abuse of any kind has received extensive attention in scientific circles, and we can summarize a great body of research by saying that to the extent to which early sexual experiences were linked to traumatic or unpleasant feelings, an individual will suffer long-term consequences of some kind, albeit perhaps with varying ability to withstand the effects of those early trauma.

Once again, anybody who has developed an association between sexual activity and negative or traumatic experiences is likely to be a candidate for sexual dysfunction – which in men, may often mean a tendency to ejaculate too quickly. 

arousal and desire, delayed ejaculation and its cure, how to please a woman

Tantric and Taoist Techniques of Making Love

It’s a fact that most men have fairly limited sexual technique. Indeed, the common thrusting motion which most men employ during intercourse will only stimulate a small area of the woman’s vagina.

This is where a new technique which we can literally call “screwing” comes into play. This is a movement of the hips that can truly pleasure both the man and his partner, and it literally involves a circular motion of the penis inside the vagina rather than backwards and forwards thrusting motion.

When you first try this, you’re likely to find that the rotations of the pelvic area originate from your hips or the pelvic bone itself. However, what you’re actually aiming for his rotation of the sacrum.

You can identify the sacrum by putting one hand on your sacrum and one hand on your cube it go, and then trying to rotate in a spiral both clockwise and anticlockwise. You can also try tilting your penis upwards as you push the base of your sacrum forward and tilting your penis down as you push your sacrum backward.

Once you’ve identified the bones and movement necessary to spiral, you should be able to really screw. It’s a very popular technique with most women, apparently; as indeed, are a variety of other movements which are rarely employed.

Indeed, Taoist sexual philosophy describes nine different kinds of thrusting, which is employed carefully can offer the woman a variety of depth, erection and speed of penile movement inside vagina. For example, you can hover outside the vagina and then thrust rapidly in; you can use deep thrusts and shallow strokes; you can rise and plunge suddenly and irregularly; and so on.

Now what about the vexed question of ejaculation control? The fact is, as you may have seen if you haven’t watched some of the more enlightened erotica available on the Internet, that women often reach orgasm through hard and fast vaginal thrusting, and that this experience can be very intense and satisfying for them. The problem, of course, as you being a man will well know, is that deep and fast thrusting tends to make a man ejaculate very quickly.

Of course you can always pull out and use your fingers and tongue, but of course it’s better for her and more pleasurable for you to be able to take a woman all the way to orgasm through penile thrusting. You certainly need a high level of ejaculation control: you also need to be able to monitor your increasing arousal rate. Picture from https://sensualblissvoyager (exploration of the Sacred & Conscious including sexuality)

Successful sex, successful lovemaking, requires the man start off with slow thrusts or spirals of his penis in her vagina, and move faster and faster as time goes on, incorporating a spontaneous series of changes in depth, speed and direction as he moves inside his partner. To ask the average man to maintain ejaculatory control whilst employing such techniques is a big ask, but there are techniques that you can use derived from Tantric sexual practices which should enable you to last longer.

The first of these is called the big draw. This is a technique in which you move energy up from the genital region along the spine, and circulate it around the body. You can imagine this as the energy that would normally shoot out from your penis, moving up your body instead.

You simply squeeze your PC muscles and then progressively pump the muscles of your buttocks to draw blood away from the genitals. This decreases your arousal, and at same time you draw the energy away from the genital area by imagining a series of nervous energy and sensations traveling up your spine into your brain.

This should remove the blood and energy from the genital muscles so they cannot involuntarily ejaculate. It’s a powerful practice, and you need to ensure that you follow some safety tips: if you move sexual energy up towards the brain too rapidly, there can be problems in mental overactivity, so you need to be able to bring it down again. The Kundalini energy needs to be under your control. It’s also important to remember that the sexual energy that you circulate through your body using the big draw magnifies any emotions that you happen to be feeling.

The first step is to use the big muscles of the pelvic area to draw and pump the energy upwards. Eventually you can do this just by simply turning your attention to your head and drawing the energy up by means of mental intention alone. When you can do this, you’ll feel an invigorating streak of energy rising up your spine.

Video – Tantric Sex

But to begin with, you may need to practice for a while before you feel any effects from drawing the energy up. The big draw works on the same principle as a water pump, that is to say, by pumping your muscles you create pressure and suction to move the energy along your spine. You do it when you have a full erection, and also whilst you’re aroused, but you must do it about a minute before you would otherwise ejaculate. Clearly, it’s necessary to be able to judge when you are going to ejaculate fairly accurately!

When you feel you are about a minute away from ejaculation, stop stimulating yourself, and then after a moment’s pause, contract your PC muscle and clamp your toes down on the floor. (If you do have difficulty with delayed ejaculation, read this book. It explains how to deal with the issue of not being able to reach orgasm or ejaculate during sex.) Inhale while squeezing your buttocks slightly, until your sexual energy moves toward your spine. Now contract the muscles from your anus up to your spine in waves, each time you do this taking a short inhalation.

You’ll feel the energy eventually moving up your spine to your head: this is the completion of one big draw. The state of your erection measures how successful you’ve been at this technique. This is because as the energy is drawn out of the genital area and up towards the head, your erection should decrease.

You repeat this nine times, using visualization to imagine the sexual energy rising up your brain. Don’t leave it there! You can then allow the energy to flow down the front channel from your brain via your third eye, throat, heart, solar plexus and finally to your navel where you may wish to store it. 

arousal and desire, faithful relationships

One Night Stands

OK, so you met this fantastic woman down the pub, and one thing led to another, and well… whatever the circumstances of your meeting, now she’s offering you sex.

The one night stand – to love or not to love?

 Probably this means sex with no-strings, probably you’ll never see her again. Question is: what do you do? Oh, by the way, you’re in a relationship. So: to cheat or not to cheat, that is the question.

There’s no doubt that many men do think about having casual sex if they believe they can get away with it.

But the facts about how many do it are harder to establish. An ABC News survey in the USA suggests that while 16% of men have actually cheated on their partner, a much larger number – 30% – have fantasized about it, suggesting many more men would do it if the circumstances were right. (Presumably meaning, if they believed they could get away with it.)

Video – faithfulness in relationship

What’s also been established is that when men have a one-night stand, their selection standards are much lower than they are when they choose a long-term partner. (This is not true for women who are cheating on their partners.)

This suggests that men like casual sex, and relish the idea and the execution of a one-night stand so much that they don’t really care who they pick up.

It’s not hard to imagine why we like casual sex so much – we’re programmed for it. Eons ago, the men who had the most sex partners would leave the most offspring, many or all of whom would inherit the desire to have the most sex partners….and so the genes for sexual promiscuity would spread.

Women wanted a faithful mate to help rear the kids, so they would develop strategies designed to test the faithfulness and persistence of their potential mates – hence courting behavior.

But even so, it’s still to the reproductive advantage of the species that men desire to spread their genes around, and presumably we still have that desire. What’s more, sex with a new partner can be very arousing – potentially much more exciting than sex with a partner you’ve been having sex with for some time.

This is because our senses habituate to the same old stimuli – a new partner brings a whole new range of stimuli and excitement to spice up the senses.

And even more rewards come from the thrill of the chase and the sense of prowess that a man gets when he beds the woman he’s been after. Yes, it’s a powerful combination.

But it’s a mistake to think that all men will jump into bed with any woman who proposes sex. Many men turn women down – most often because the man is in a faithful, monogamous relationship. The next most common reason for turning a woman down is that she’s in a relationship! A common reason is that cheating breaks the guy’s moral code and so on.

There are plenty more reasons why people turn each other down: one or other of the couple have been drinking, or there’s no emotional connection, for example. (Sex without love can be just as empty an experience for men as it is for women, though as Woody Allen remarked, “As empty experiences go, it’s one of the best!”)

But what if you’re unhappy and there’s the prospect of some emotional connection from an affair? I hate to say it, but I doubt there are many guys who wouldn’t cheat on their partners if the right set of circumstances came along.

And what if it happens to you? What if you wake up the morning after the night in the pub and find yourself next to someone you met over a drink? Do you tell your partner? On the one hand, if it was a horrible accident and you’ve resolved never to do it again, why make everyone suffer by a confession?

If you can’t handle the guilt, that’s your problem. On the other hand, if you carry the secret there’s some strain and loss of intimacy. If your relationship survives, then it might be stronger and better. Yeah, right.

But how many sexual partners do men and women have in a lifetime? The table below shows the % of men and women who reported each of a certain number of partners.

No of sexual partners % of men % of women
1 12 25
2-4 16 33
5-10 26 29
11-20 18 6
21 or more 20 4

What this appears to prove is that women are less promiscuous than men, though it offers no explanation of why: women may fear social exposure, shame, or violence and disease more than men. Or they may just be less sexually motivated to seek out new partners. That in itself could be because they have a lower sex drive or because they are genetically programmed to stick to one mate.

Update (2022): In fact the statistics above are simply wrong. When you allow women to complete the survey in private, with no possibility of being overlooked or identified, the numbers of sexual partners they report goes up dramatically.

And when you ask them to complete the test in situation where they believe their answers may be checked for accuracy by means of a lie detector, they report numbers of sexual partners almost equal to those reported by men. 

To see how a one night stand might feel, read this piece. If you can’t relate to it, you’re either naive or you’re getting a lot of one night stands.

Arousal and desire

We’re led to believe that sex is always supposed to be a wonderful experience, so how can it be that sex without mental arousal turns out to be an empty experience?

Maybe before I look at that question I should try to define what I mean by arousal and desire. I’d say that mental arousal was a state of high sexual excitement, where one feels turned on in a kind of primal, urgent way. Physical arousal I see as the hard evidence of being aroused – the penis is erect in men, the vagina is lubricated in women.

So what, then, is desire? I see this as the product of one’s arousal – it’s effectively what one wants to do when one is highly aroused: in other words, the way in which one wants to get sexual satisfaction. To put it another way, arousal is about feeling sexual and desire is about wanting sex.

There’s no doubt that being in the presence of a highly aroused woman is extremely arousing for most men. It’s not hard to see this in evolutionary terms, because a female mammal “on heat” is ready to ovulate, ready to mate, ready to produce offspring.

It’s natural that a male needs to be stimulated quickly and intensely, so that he can impregnate her and increase the likelihood of passing on his genes successfully to the next generation.

But as a human male, we can discharge sexual arousal in many ways. We have mate with a willing sexual partner, or resort to masturbatory fantasy.

The advent of Viagra has emphasized the difference between physical arousal and desire in men. Medics who prescribe Viagra for impotent men always emphasize that it isn’t going to increase their libido or desire.

Another insight into arousal and desire comes from a study where a group of women were asked to watch porn films and their resulting physical arousal – as defined by vaginal engorgement and lubrication – was measured.

The women were found to be aroused physically, but they all reported that they didn’t experience any mental arousal or desire for sex.

In other words, there is a pretty strong sexual filter operating in women at the mental/emotional level which determines the stimuli they allow themselves to experience as sexually attractive.

This fits with the biological model found in many animal species, where the female chooses which male(s) she will mate with.

The cunning scientists at Pfizer, makers of Viagra, eager to increase women’s sexual responsiveness, and, no doubt, sell more Viagra, tried to establish how their product could be used to increase female sexual desire.

Needless to say, they have encountered the same results as the scientists in the study mentioned above: Viagra does indeed increase blood flow and stimulates the physical responses of a woman’s pelvic tissues, but it does not make her feel horny – she does not feel more sexual desire.

After many years’ research, the scientists gloomily concluded that women often don’t have any desire for sex until they are physically in the act of lovemaking, and that getting a woman to connect arousal and desire requires exquisite timing on a man’s part and a fair amount of coaxing.

I’d suggest that any man’s experience just doesn’t bear this out. Women have just as much desire as men – they just show it differently.

And it’s promoted by different things – love, romance, sensuality…..

So – back to the question I posed in the first paragraph: why can I be physically aroused and yet not find sex satisfying unless I am mentally aroused as well?

Is it that my brain works in a more feminine way than most men’s sexuality? I don’t think so. I prefer to believe, based on how hard it has been in the past for me to say “no” to my partner when I didn’t want sex but she did, that we’ve become so stereotyped by popular culture.

We’ve swallowed whole the idea of the ever-ready penis, willing and able to penetrate female flesh on demand, so much so that men don’t feel they can say ” no” even when they don’t want sex.

In other words, it’s an illusion that when a man’s in bed with a naked woman and gets an erection, he will always want to have sex.

 It’s also an illusion that we will always be able to be a powerful, dominant lover, and give a woman fantastic sex – life isn’t like that – sex goes wrong, with low desire, or other sexual dysfunctions of one kind or another, and so on…..

I think that unless a man is so flush with testosterone that he simply cannot help but feel horny, he will sometimes find the same things that turn his partner on are necessary to turn him on: intimacy, freedom from stress, relaxation, the absence of anger or tension in the relationship, and, perhaps, more than anything else, love.

how to please a woman

Sexual Problems Include Delayed Ejaculation

Delayed, or retarded, ejaculation means you can’t reach orgasm easily during sex or masturbation.

This may happen with only one particular sexual partner or it may happen with every partner; it may happen occasionally or it may happen all the time; and it may happen when you masturbate, or when you have sex, or both.

You may wonder what the heck is going on. You may be resigned to the situation.

If you’re  man who has difficulty reaching orgasm during sex,  you might be surprised to find that you’re not alone – far from it, in fact.

Problems with male ejaculation are much more common than people imagine. At any time, more than one man in twelve will be experiencing delayed ejaculation!

This means that millions of men around the world have difficulty reaching orgasm or ejaculating during sex – for example, about 8 million men in the USA alone will have problems reaching orgasm during sex.

And very few of these men – less than one in a hundred – will seek help.

In a way, that’s not surprising. Not being able to ejaculate during sex (or masturbation), or only being able to ejaculate occasionally, or with great difficulty, might seem like a strange problem to many people, especially when so many men have difficulty stopping their ejaculation from occurring too soon.

So let’s think about sex for a minute, about all the things we men are supposed to achieve during sex.

We’re expected to initiate and lead during lovemaking, we’re supposed to know how to make sex good for both ourselves and our partners, we’re expected to hold back on our own pleasure and delay our ejaculation until our partner is satisfied, and lots more besides…. but what a pain in the ass some of this can be!

With all those expectations, there’s no surprise men develop ejaculation problems. If only you could just let go and please yourself without having to worry about a partner, it might even be possible to reach orgasm and ejaculate when you choose to!

Delayed Ejaculation Is A Common Sexual Problem Among Men

Until recently, delayed ejaculation hasn’t been very well known and it’s certainly not received much attention, despite the trouble it can cause.

Amazing, isn’t it? In fact, delayed ejaculation is the third most common sexual problem for men after premature ejaculation and erection problems.

If only you could just let go and please yourself without having to worry about a partner, it might even be possible to reach orgasm and ejaculate when you choose to!

Even if you accept things the way they are, you might feel  depressed, or angry, or anxious, or some other negative feeling about what’s going on for you right now.

And while you probably know that delayed ejaculation can adversely affect your relationship and hit your self-esteem, you probably don’t know what to do about it. You may not even know that a cure is available. 

What’s more, if your partner has started to express her feelings about your delay in reaching orgasm, you’re probably feeling under even more pressure – especially if she’s accusing you of not being attracted to her.

Whatever she’s saying, your partner’s probably talking from an emotional place: one of disappointment, frustration, or even anger.

And that means she’s missing the fact that men with ejaculation problems are among the most conscientious of lovers and generally really care about the fact that they cannot reach orgasm during sex with their partner….. and usually not for the want of trying, either…. as you most likely know only too well!

And although it causes lots of challenges for men in so many ways, it’s hardly mentioned by anyone. I mean, when was the last time you discussed this with a buddy?

What you really need to know right now is that no matter what your difficulty reaching orgasm,this problem is normal!

 

By the way, ‘normal’ means you get to choose when to ejaculate during your lovemaking.

And here’s the best thing: based on feedback from men who buy my treatment program, it has an amazing 96% success rate.

But What On Earth Causes These Problems?

Let’s back up a bit here before we go any further.

Delayed ejaculation happens for many reasons…..

First, not ejaculating during sex can be something you learned earlier in life.

Not that you ever had any actual lessons in this… it’s just one way for your body and mind to protect themselves after a bad experience.

So, if something went wrong during sex sometime, the experience may have left its mark as your difficulty with ejaculation. Perhaps you lost your erection, your partner shamed you in some way, you just felt hopelessly inadequate…. whatever…. but next time you had sex, maybe you found it didn’t work.

Maybe there was no erection. No desire. No ‘connection’ with sex. No ejaculation. Who knows?

And of course, when that lack of desire/erection/ejaculation has happened once, it can happen again and again and again, and before you know it – there’s not an ejaculation in sight!

But fortunately, when delayed ejaculation develops after this kind of experience, it’s easy to cure.

Sometimes things from further back, in childhood, can cause sexual problems later in life. A boy’s relationship with his mother is right at the top of that list! if she’s not accepting of his developing sexuality, or worse, things can go wrong.

Happily, with the right approach you can flush these things out of your system for ever.

Next, delayed ejaculation can have a lot to do with the way a boy learns to masturbate.

Some boys masturbate quickly and secretively, usually because they either feel guilty, or because they can’t get much privacy, or they’re concerned about someone watching or even interrupting them during their self-pleasuring.

Of course, masturbation is simply that: self-pleasuring. Just as sex should be….at least some of the time. Some of the time it’s about pleasing another person.

In situations like this, masturbation can become quick and secretive, so much so that oftentimes a teenager won’t even touch his penis. Instead, he’ll masturbate by thrusting his penis against the mattress.

Problem is, this kind of harsh masturbation technique desensitizes the body’s response to sexual stimulation.

So, as a man, he needs to use much more force and pressure to get himself to the point of ejaculation than if he’d masturbated more gently when he was a boy.

And the harsh grip and fast movement are what his penis will then respond to…. in other words, he will have trouble ejaculating if he does not receive similar stimulation in the future.

But during sex, the sensations of intercourse aren’t anywhere near forceful enough to produce the stimulation the man needs to get to ‘the point of no return’ – that’s the level of sexual arousal where ejaculation is inevitable.

Think of it as the point where you know you’re going to come, and nothing will stop it happening. As a man with delayed ejaculation, you may not be too familiar with this….

To summarize: if you need very hard or prolonged stimulation before you can ejaculate, normal sexual intercourse won’t do it for you.

Next – the problem of low sexual arousal.

Most men with delayed ejaculation get an erection very quickly – and it’s often a long-lasting, hard erection. Yet although they appear to be aroused and sexually excited, appearances can be deceptive.

Believe it or not, this erection, no matter how long-lasting, does not necessarily mean that a man’s aroused enough to enjoy intercourse or to arrive at the point of ejaculation.

I know that may seem hard to believe.

After all, having an erection surely means a man is ready, willing and able to have sex?

Oddly, no, it doesn’t….. because even though you can have an erection hard enough for sex, you may not be sufficiently aroused in mind and body to reach the point of ejaculation.

In short, if you’re experiencing delayed ejaculation, the chances are that you need some simple techniques to increase your level of sexual arousal so that you find sex more exciting.

That way, you can gradually develop more and more arousal as sex goes on, and at a certain point you’ll be aroused enough to ejaculate easily – and very enjoyably!

Relationship Issues Have A Role To Play

Relationship issues – how you get on with your partner – can be a major factor in delayed ejaculation.

As proof of this, look no further than the fact that a man with delayed ejaculation can often come quicker and easier with a woman who’s not his partner, someone outside his main relationship.

So is a low level of sexual arousal the result of a lack of attraction to a partner? Or is it the other way around? How would you know? Difficult, isn’t it? Certainly, a lack of sexual attraction can be the result of a poor sexual relationship.

Simple truth is, there are many ways you can make your relationship more rewarding and closer: it’s all about becoming more intimate, communicating more, and understanding each other better.

As you work on delayed ejaculation, you may uncover some unpleasant truths. (Like: how do you really feel about your partner?)

Maybe the status quo will be overturned. But is that such a bad thing? Keeping your relationship real is better for everyone, both short and long term.

Naturally, you also need to look at your sexual desires and drives, and explore the ways you can improve the quality of sex…… and what you can do, for example, to feel more connected and intimate with your partner.

enemies of pleasure

The End Of A Woman’s Pleasure? (Sexual Boredom)

Orgasm Or More?

By so many accounts, sex appears to stop or become infrequent in the majority of long-term couples. Yet it’s not a biological issue – as you might already have guessed, this is an emotional or psychological issue.

Video – sexual boredom – how to avoid it

To continue enjoying good sex in a long term relationship, you have to understand that sex is a process which starts in the mind (or the brain) and travels down to the genitals, not the other way round.

In other words, this is about your relationship on the emotional level.  You see, when you’re too attuned to your partner’s needs, somebody is going left out of the equation: yourself.

You want to have a good relationship that satisfies both partners on every level. You want sexual desire to burn brightly between you. Well, this is about learning to keep the balance between being selfish and being focused on your partner.

About learning, if you prefer, how to stay connected and separate at the same time.

The Power Of The Brain

What this means is that you need to be separate enough to allow yourself to surrender to your own pleasure. At the same time you don’t worry too much about whether or not your partner is getting the pleasure he or she needs.

A lot of men are “programmed” to think that it’s a man’s job to please a woman sexually. And of course, many men do derive great pleasure and satisfaction from pleasing a woman. There’s no doubt that bringing woman to orgasm can boost a man’s ego and self-confidence enormously. But this approach to sex can lead to sexual boredom, which can lead to the death of sex.

Intimacy

Intimacy is often touted as the key to a successful relationship. In fact you need separateness, a polarity of male and female, to come together in the energetic discharge of great sex.

When a couple are too intimate with each other,  libido and sexual attraction may falter. This occurs with high levels of security, giving and receiving caretaking. One sign is feeling understood at such a deep level that you begin to wonder if your partner knows you better than you do,

No one has written about this better than David Schnarch . He emphasizes the need for individuation – not merging – in any relationship to maintain good sex.

You can know how to please a woman even when you maintain separateness and individuality. When, in other words, you avoid merging with your partner. 

Making Passion Burn Brightly

Some things help even if you don’t know about the psychology of sexual desire.  One of them is to actually program sex into your diaries so this is a time reserved for you.

And that’s a great approach, even if you don’t initially feel aroused or horny enough to want sex. You soon will when you get your clothes off and you’re cuddling in bed!

And when you do this, you’ll find your relationship improves. You’ll find you’re both more pleased with the quality of your emotional life inside and outside the bedroom.

Don’t simply assume that you can live without sex because “it’s not that important anymore”.

If you try living a life like that, you may feel very unfulfilled, and women in particular are probably going to feel unhappy and displeased.

Furthermore, when you are not having sex, you’re not bonding in your relationship, so it is, at least to some degree, at risk.

What will help you, more than anything else, to want to be physical with your particular partner?

Have you been doing the same thing over and over again since the day you met? Is that contributing to sexual boredom, perhaps even boredom with each other in some way?

According to a report in the Journal of sex and marital therapy around half of men and women are unhappy with the frequency of sex in their relationship.

It’s not a simple matter. There are many reasons why sex dies in a  long-term relationship: low sexual motivation, decreased sex drive, low libido, lack of desire, affection, love, emotional separation or merging, and so on. All these things affect both your desire for sex and your ability to have satisfying sex.

Scientific research shows that trying to stimulate sex between you and your partner  by adopting new and different, perhaps quite extreme, sexual practices, may makes things worse. In fact, by pursuing more intense arousal, you may both end up more dissatisfied and unhappy than you were before.

This seems to be something to do with biochemistry of the brains of the two partners working in different ways, or rather, working to different sexual-demand-and-desire schedules.

Among the factors controlling this are the male androgen receptors which become less sensitive to testosterone after ejaculation and can take up to a week to recover.

Other chemicals, hormones in the opioid family, are released during copulation and hang around in the bloodstream for a while, probably leading to a decline in sexual responsiveness.

There might also be a drop in dopamine, which is a chemical in the brain essential for sense of well-being.

All these things happen at different rates in male and female brains, so there’s a real potential for sexual mismatch or discomfort or “disharmony”.

End result – it’s easier to avoid sex altogether.

Brain Chemistry Is Everything

We know that there’s a change in brain chemistry after orgasm, and it causes a decrease in responsivity to sexual stimuli. This is “sexual habituation”.

The brain being so complex, often one partner in a couple will need more stimulation than the other before they feel the same desire, the same pleasurable response. This makes it very possible that one or other partner in a couple will start to find new sexual partners more appealing than their existing one.

Although around 13% –  of couples are immune to the phenomenon of sexual habituation, the rest are not.

Maybe these couples simply have a genetic compatibility which leaves them immune from the variability of hormones and chemicals in their brains after sex – we simply don’t know.

Long term relationships

But feeling sexually indifferent to a mate in long-term relationship is probably a side-effect of how the brain works.

As well as the hormonal stuff, the brain is registering the subtle stimulation that contributes to sexual desire such as affection, love and companionship.

Maybe that’s why we crave intense stimulation of some kind – a new partner or intense pornography on the Internet.

Basically, being able to continue pleasing your partner is about being in sexual sync with your partner.

A man who wants sex when his partner is not ready for it (“No, I’ve got a headache!”) might think he’s being rebuffed, and conclude that his partner doesn’t care about his needs.

She might feel that the only thing that is important to her man is getting sex (“We haven’t had it for weeks and I have my needs!”)

Neither of these dynamics is likely to lead to harmony, and it’s certainly not going to allow a man to please his woman, or indeed let a woman to please her man .

So what’s the answer?

One common end point of this conflictual situation is to deal with the incompatibility by avoiding sex altogether.

Men can reduce their urge by using porn, whereas women may not feel the urge at all because they don’t feel they are loved or appreciated in the way that would make them want sex.

Another outcome some couples adopt is to try and negotiate their way around their sexual difficulties and differences. For example, one couple I know spent two months each week in separate bedrooms.

But let’s face it, if you think that pleasing your partner requires moving out of the bedroom for half the time, then there’s is probably a little bit more work to be done on your basic strategy for recovering sexual compatibility.

One approach is to use techniques such as Tantra and Karezza which promote anejaculation (no ejaculation). This way you may discover a totally new approach to pleasing a woman!

Such practices are pleasing to both partners, and generate intimacy. However you don’t have the neurochemical “come-down” afterwards. This is one powerful cause of sexual avoidance (or “boredom”). It’s an incompatibility of sexual needs.

extended pleasuring

Extended Orgasm 2 – The Art Of Pleasuring

More on Extended Orgasm & Its Great Pleasures

Being fully aware of your body is an interesting and very different experience to the one that you carry around with you in everyday life.

The heightened sensitivity of your partner’s touch can magnify the sensations contributing to your sexual arousal a hundred fold; most people whose sensory input has been awakened express astonishment at how the simple act of getting back in touch with their bodies has increased their capacity to enjoy sexual pleasure in general and orgasm in particular.

It’s not hard to understand why this happens: orgasmic pleasure begins in the body.

While you might have always believed that sexual arousal is the product of your mind, the reality is rather different — both sexual arousal and your progress towards orgasm depend on you being physically aroused, that is to say, being aroused in your body.

While it’s true that sexual arousal appears to start in the mind with perhaps fantasy or a sudden lustful thought, causing a spontaneous erection in men, or lubrication in women, that kind of arousal will not take you towards orgasm on its own.

Your body has to be aroused as well before you can move towards orgasm. The clearest example of this is men who have a condition known as delayed ejaculation, in which they cannot reach orgasm and ejaculate, no matter how long they thrust in their partner’s vagina.

Anybody looking at that situation would think these men were incredibly aroused, with their rock hard erections that last hours, yet these men cannot ejaculate because they are not sufficiently sexually aroused to reach the point of orgasmic release.

So here you have the first step on the path towards giving your partner the ultimate in sexual pleasure: a program of touching their body in the right way that increases their arousal far beyond the level that it usually reaches — and keeps it there! In this way orgasms can be extended, for both men and women, into minutes or even hours.

The sexual energy flow involved in the state of extended orgasm is so powerful that it flows through the whole body: people report a sensation of whole-body orgasm that feels like a team glowing wave of electricity passing delightfully and sensuously through their entire body.

And men and women can be brought into the final massive orgasmic peak — which remain includes extended orgasm and ejaculation — at any stage of this process.

Expanded orgasm and expanded pleasure

In some ways, though, we’re jumping ahead too quickly by talking about the orgasmic experience itself. There are some prerequisites that are necessary for every man and woman to be able to achieve this state of ecstasy.

And very high on this list is self-acceptance: that is to say, self-acceptance of one’s current sexual performance, of the progress – either rapid or slow – that one makes as one moves towards mind-blowing, extended orgasm.

Equally important is having a trusting, open relationship with your partner, a relationship in which communication is clear and direct. For men in particular it can be a problem to move into this new way of providing pleasure for their partners.

Almost all men are delighted to take a woman to orgasm, but sometimes they may not see the value of an extended orgasm.

Here, perhaps their female partners can help them — women are sometimes much more adventurous in the pursuit of sexual pleasure such as female ejaculation – than men are!

If you’re having doubts about working towards extended orgasm then perhaps all you need to do is to take the program one step at a time: see what each step of the program does for you and if you like the results move onwards; if you don’t like the results, then try something different.

Above all, avoid this becoming another performance test, for an absolute certainty is that if you come to view the achievement of extended orgasm as a measure of your sexual success, you will introduce into your sexual games a number of emotional states which are practically guaranteed to inhibit your success: tension, performance anxiety, and potentially conflict with your partner.

extended pleasuring

Extended Orgasm 1 – The Best Way To Please A Woman?

How To Please Your Woman

There is a huge demand for information on giving our partners sexual pleasure.

Interestingly, there seems to be more demand for this information from women than there is from men.

This could represent men’s greater sexual self-confidence, or it could represent the fact that men are sexually lazy and less interested in satisfying their female partners than women are in satisfying their male partners.

It could also represent the very common desire amongst women to placate and please their men by anticipating their sexual needs, even at the expense of their own satisfaction.

However, there need be no shortage of sexual pleasure for either men or women, whether they are in a relationship or not.

Sidebar: Dating Advice For Women

The program you can see here offers great dating advice for women. It’s all about capturing his heart and making him love you forever!

Sexual Pleasure

 

Of course, when we think of sexual pleasure we usually think of sexual intercourse: after all, most of us have become conditioned to think of intercourse as the obvious route to sexual pleasure.

And yet, for women in particular, sexual intercourse is a very unsatisfactory means of reaching orgasm. We know that a very small minority of women indeed — perhaps as few as 15% — reach orgasm during sexual intercourse.

The majority of women reach orgasm most easily through oral sex or masturbation either by themselves or by their partner.

Men, on the other hand, almost always achieve orgasm through intercourse; they may even achieve orgasm through intercourse more often than they do through oral sex or masturbation by their partner.

Given these well proven facts, it’s obvious that there is a large discrepancy in the means by which men and women are likely to be most sexually pleasured and fulfilled.

An obvious question for anyone seeking greater sexual pleasure and fulfillment is whether or not men and women will experiment with new techniques to obtain sexual pleasure.

Unfortunately, it seems that even in these enlightened days of wider sexual knowledge, women are all too ready to forego their own orgasmic pleasure, either by not insisting on having an orgasm before or after intercourse, or by using masturbation as a means to obtain sexual pleasure when their partner is not around.

It might be stretching the truth a little to say that women put up with intercourse because they know men like it, but somewhere behind that statement lies a grain of truth that represents the disparity between men and women when it comes to obtaining sexual satisfaction and pleasure.

Differences Between The Sexes

For most men, masturbation, oral sex, and sexual intercourse are quite adequate means of dispelling sexual tension, and so there seem to be fewer men than women who are willing to strive for the greatest sexual pleasure that they could achieve.

However, having said that, men do seem to require more novelty to keep a relationship alive. For example, they are more interested in finding the very best sexual positions than women, and trying them out to see how it feels.

Why should this be? When we all know how powerful and rewarding an orgasm can be, why would men not pursue the maximum amount of pleasure that we can possibly achieve with our own bodies?

The fact that you’re reading this page demonstrates that you’re one of the few people who wish to seek the maximum amount of sexual pleasure that you can possibly obtain from your own body.

If you research information on how to get the greatest possible sexual pleasure from the best sex positions, you will find very quickly a theme that comes up again and again:

Extended, mind blowing orgasms.

The aim of all sexual techniques designed to “please a man in bed” or “pleasure a woman during sex” – or however you put it –  is the same: to extend the length of an orgasm and deepen and magnify its power, so that the ecstasy which we experience in the normal course of sex for perhaps a few seconds now lasts for minutes, tens of minutes, or perhaps even hours.

Here, where you can learn more abut this, some of the ideas will be new to you, and some will not. Whatever you read here, we hope you will find it fascinating, profitable, and enjoyable, but none of this advice about obtaining massive mind blowing orgasms – and of course, massive, mind blowing pleasure – need interfere with anything that you’re already doing sexually!

You might find that you want to make some changes to ho you enjoy sex as you read through the website: perhaps you’ll change the order in which you enjoy sex — for example, a lot of men really enjoy intercourse much more after their female partner has had an orgasm, so this is one obvious change that you might like to consider as you move through our information. There may be many others!

Part One – The Basics Of Extended, Mind-Blowing Orgasms

You block out the least 99% of the sensory input available to you? It sounds amazing, but as human beings we live in a confusing and hectic world: we have no choice but to block out much of the sensory input we receive.

 If we were consciously aware of every sound, sight, taste, smell, and feeling available to us we would be overwhelmed and literally unable to function.

Most of our sensory inputs are filtered out long before they reach the conscious mind; by definition we’re not aware of the sensory input that is filtered by our brains. And while that’s a great thing for our survival, it does have its downsides.

For example, filtering sensory input becomes so second nature to the human being that much of this sensuous and sensory input associated with sensual experiences such as sex is lost to us as well.

Most obviously, you have very little awareness of your body for most of the time: it’s only those things that are out of the ordinary, such as the sudden itch, or an unpleasant smell, that penetrate your consciousness. And yet the paradox here is that to have the greatest sexual experiences, you need to be fully aware of your body.

Continued here: extended-orgasm-2

womens sexual pleasure

Sexual Pleasure With The G Spot

Sexual Pleasure For Women

One of the most prevalent emotions for women which may arise during G spot pleasuring is anger.

Why? Because all the anger stored in response to men’s treatment of a woman can express itself when her G spot is stimulated.

You may have heard of the concept of bodily memory: in the case of sex, perhaps every sexual experience that a woman has undergone is stored as a memory stored in her nervous system and can be accessed through the G spot. This lies just inside the vagina, on the upper wall, about an inch or so inside.

When you and your partner begin to enjoy G spot stimulation you will discover that these emotions can come out as anger, rage, sadness, tears, laughter, or joy. Unfortunately, it’s rather unpredictable which of those will emerge in response to a particular session of G spot stimulation.

Naturally enough, the more abuse a woman has experienced, the more likely she is to discharge anger or even rage after a session of G spot stimulation. But even small abuses such as unwanted sexual intercourse (yes, that is an abuse) can produce a bodily memory that is accessed through the G spot.

There are several ways to deal with this discharge of emotions: the first is to simply let it flow by as an observer.

It’s unlikely that much if any of this anger is directed at the male partner who happens to be with the woman in this particular session of intimacy.

The art of extended pleasuring and extended orgasm requires that the man should accept this emotional discharge is not directed at him. He must not take it personally, and he must allow it to pass by him, in an atmosphere of trust and respect, whatever the woman is feeling and expressing.

The second way to deal with this is to slightly shift your thinking so that your expectations of pleasuring your partner (and how you can do pleasure her) change.

The only reason why a man would feel offended, or annoyed, or rageful, or indeed anything else, in response to a woman’s discharge of bodily emotion is that he somehow expects her reaction to be different (e.g. that she should be thankful to him!).

He might, for example, expect her to be grateful for what he’s doing for her (pleasing her sexually).  That’s the wrong motive, of course.

And when you think about it, in the end this is a matter of absolute trust: if you are completely able to accept that both you and your partner have each other’s best interests at heart, and that whatever they do is not a reflection of how they feel about you but a reflection of their own internal state at the time, then you need not feel your partner’s emotional state is an assault on you.

Thirdly, it’s important to know exactly what you’re trying to do – over and above simply sharing the experience of mutual pleasure – and to communicate that intention clearly to your partner. Once again, of course, this comes down to honest and open communication.

But the reason communication is important when you’re practicing intimacy exercises with the object of achieving extended mind blowing orgasms is that you can’t do it for your partner if you don’t know what she wants.

Nor can you communicate with your partner if she doesn’t know what she wants.

Your mutual lack of clarity around intimacy will diminish the sexual pleasure, satisfaction and intimacy which should accrue as you progress towards your goals of greater pleasure.

Fourthly you may find that the great benefit of carrying out exercises designed to bring about greater intimacy and extended massive orgasm is that your state of mind changes — that you become happier, more fulfilled, both physically and emotionally, and generally radiate more positive energy.

Of course to get to this place you have to give something up: and one of the things you may have to give up is the belief that men should satisfy women sexually. Sexual gratification comes from within, even if you facilitate your partner in getting there.

The pleasure of extended mind blowing orgasm

You have a sexually turned on and gratified lover who is a pleasure to be around, you have open and honest communication in your relationship with your partner, and you have the joy of extended orgasms.

But when we analyze the process in a more subtle way, the key element of happiness in relationships is usually due to the fact that the woman is sexually content and emotionally fulfilled. In other words, that she is pleased with life. That her man knows how to please a woman, perhaps.

As a man you have probably already sensed this, even if you’ve never expressed it quite so directly.

Some authors have taken this to mean that the focus of sensuality exercises designed to increase your capacity to enjoy orgasm should be on the woman in the relationship.

And that may well be true, except that there is a problem — resentment on the part of the man because the woman is the focus of the exercises!

So it’s worth just reminding men what this process can do for them and their partner.

At its simplest level there is the enormous gratification that men feel when women have sexual pleasure, especially when that sexual pleasure is simply due to what the man has been able to do for her.

We shouldn’t underestimate how much it means to us men to bring a woman to orgasm — in some ways it’s actually even a measure of our own capacity as lovers.

Who’s In Charge Here?

And yet when you think about it, there’s nobody responsible for the female orgasm except the woman who is having it!

Video

So it’s better to focus on the facts that you get benefits from giving her extended orgasm: you feel more passionate for one thing, more passionate about life, more passionate about sex, more passionate about women.

You’ll certainly feel more masculine and have a more strongly rooted sense of your masculinity.

As she moves more deeply into her feminine, the consequence of experiencing her female sexuality to the full, you will naturally polarize towards your masculine — you may even discover aspects of your masculinity that you didn’t know existed.

You’ll probably also experience a reduction in tension, both physical and emotional tension. You’ll almost certainly feel renewed feelings of love your partner, which can always serve you both well by allowing her to release her inner feminine (often in a very raw and lustful way — the part of her that is often called the “Goddess within”), a state of her being to which your deepest male sexuality will respond readily.

Your ability as a man to give your woman pleasure by means of an extended orgasm is probably one of the greatest keys to having a fantastic relationship where both partners are truly pleasured and fulfilled.

It’s a fundamental aspect of the male psyche that we wish to please women, and the achievement of extended orgasm is a very profound way of fulfilling this incredibly important aspect of both our natures.

how to enjoy sexual pleasure

How To Enjoy Sexual Pleasure

As you’re reading this blog post it’s highly likely you’re interested in achieving greater sexual pleasure!

This probably also means that you’re happy to take a great deal of responsibility for your own sexual pleasure. If so, you’re not likely to see yourself as a victim of circumstance, but rather as a person who creates their own reality.

This probably gives you a sense of control over your life and the ability to change it in the way that you want. Currently you’re making a choice to exercise control over your sexual pleasure.

So ask yourself what inhibits your achievement of sexual pleasure, or even perhaps orgasm? Is it inexperience, or a lack of information about sexual techniques?

 Is it the belief that your partner’s orgasm is more important than your own and that your chief duty is to provide him or her with an orgasm while sacrificing your own pleasure in some way?

Could it be that you lack some vital information about how your body responds in certain sexual circumstances, and you’re therefore not experiencing the full capacity of your body to respond sexually?

Perhaps you really believe that orgasms only last for between 2 and 10 seconds, and that, good as they are, they really can’t be improved upon?

Or if you examine your deepest beliefs, do you find that you somehow limit the amount of pleasure you can experience? (A fundamental belief for many people is that pleasure is limited and must be counterbalanced by struggle and effort.)

Our ambivalent attitude to sexual pleasure is demonstrated very clearly by the fact that so many taboos exist around discussing the details of our sensual and sexual experience.

Yes, you may believe that it is inappropriate to discuss such personal matters, but let me ask you why? is it really any more appropriate to discuss the details of your heart bypass operation, your prostatectomy, your hysterectomy, or any other operation which you may have been through?

What would be the response of most people if you started telling them about your massive extended orgasm, and the changes in your body that accompanied it (such as copious vaginal lubrication, massive amounts of pre-ejaculate fluid emerging from your penis, energy flow through your genitals, and orgasms whose contractions continued for minutes at a time)?

Yet the odd thing is that we’re all human, we all have the same sexual equipment, and broadly speaking we have similar sexual experiences.

We all know that we have orgasms and we all know how pleasurable they are, yet somehow we also intuit that discussion of these matters is unacceptable.

It’s quite perverse, really, because a man or woman who is experiencing extended, mind blowing orgasms tends to be much happier and much more positive than people who are not, yet we still seem to focus on the negative, the painful, and the discouraging rather than the uplifting, the vital and the life enhancing (such as the potentially unlimited pleasure of orgasm!)

Mutual Pleasuring and Your Sex Sessions

From time to time in achieving greater sexual pleasure, you’ll come across suggestions that strike you as — well, anything really, from ridiculous to laughable.

When this happens we invite you to consider whether or not it’s some deeply held belief that has no basis in reality which is causing you to react in this way. For example, what would you say if we asked you to schedule sex in your diary? One likely answer is that sex should be spontaneous and that to put it in the diary somehow devalues it…. or makes it less pleasurable.

But consider this, in your pursuit of greater pleasure: putting sex in the diary gives you the opportunity to know in advance that you have time reserved for your own pleasure, time which you’ve booked as yours. This is an act which reflects your desire to achieve greater sexual pleasure, or to provide greater sexual pleasure to your partner.

Doing this can both help you to avoid other commitments, and to avoid a sense of guilt that may accompany something which seems so self-indulgent. For, after all, you are making a choice to engage in a program of greater sexual pleasure, and that requires commitment on your part. 

You night also believe that sex “should” involve an exchange of sexual favors with your partner (as in): “First one person reaches orgasm, then the other; that’s the way it’s meant to be!”

Maybe you believe that sex is no good unless you both come (or cum) during intercourse, perhaps even at at the same time. Well if you do, you’re going to be disappointed for much of the time!  (Simultaneous orgasms are as rare as hen’s teeth.)

But the reality may not stop you from ruining your own sexual experience by listening to these prejudices, false beliefs, myths — call them what you will.

So, in the context of extending your orgasms and obtaining greater sexual pleasure, you need to accept that from time to time the exchange of pleasure will be one way: that you will be pleasuring your partner, or that your partner will be pleasuring you — without any expectation of return.

Video – expanded sexual response

Obstacles to success

The best atmosphere to achieve an extended mind blowing orgasm is one of trust and respect with your partner. Unfortunately many of the issues that crop up in day-to-day relationships can get between you and your orgasm. So we’ll now examine a number of these issues in the hope that you can avoid the problems that otherwise might arise.

First of all it’s important to remember that whatever you read in the newspapers or other media is not a good guide to human sexuality — and it’s certainly not a guide in any way whatsoever to YOUR particular sexuality!

Men and women can easily develop a sense of insecurity around their sexuality and sexual behavior because they believe that they are not “normal”. But the only measure of what is normal for you is what you do and what you are comfortable with.

That includes aspects of your sex life such as how often you have sex, but it also includes such things as your fantasies, how you enjoy yourself sexually, and how you and your partner interact during lovemaking. It’s true that while you practice extended mind blowing orgasms, you may need to question some of your established beliefs, and perhaps even change your methods of sexual pleasuring.

Nonetheless this is not a reason to be distracted by what you see or hear going on around you. The more you are able to stay in the present, the less distracted you are by what is going on around you, and the more you can focus on what you are feeling in the moment, the greater your chance of success in achieving mutual extended pleasuring.

Anxiety is normal during any sexual adventure: the way to deal with it is by consciously deciding that you approve of who you are and what you are doing, remember you have the power to discuss any issues that arise with your partner, and then throw yourself wholeheartedly into the sexual journey that lies ahead of you.

Secondly a lot of emotions will come up for you as you get closer and more intimate to your sexual partner.

That’s  very natural indeed, but if you don;t know about it in advance, it can be a surprise when you find yourself feeling irritated, say, as you start to enjoy a mutually pleasurable sex session with your partner.

The truth is that sex can be very intimate, and the more intimate it becomes, the more open you are to the feelings which you may have repressed in your day-to-day life.

We all get irritated with our partners — it’s only natural because we don’t talk about all the resentments, minor irritations, and annoyances that can arise in everyday life.

The problem is that these can find a way out during sessions of intimacy as irritation or even anger. We’ll talk more about these in the next post.