Why Can’t She Make Up Her Mind?

There can hardly be a man on the planet who hasn’t asked himself why women have a hard time making up their minds, being direct and clear about what it is they want to do, and simply sticking to that decision once it’s made.

Why are women so indecisive?

What you probably don’t understand about this process is the confusion that goes on in a woman’s mind when she’s trying to make a decision. 

She has a profound desire to accommodate your wishes and to please you.

Just imagine for a moment what this must be like for a woman torn between her desire to do what she wants and her desire to please you by doing what you want (or at least what she thinks you want).

Frustrating as it is for you to be faced with this behavior, you can help to stop this happening by engaging in clear and direct communication with her.

Whenever you see such a situation developing, step in and make it perfectly clear that you want her to tell you what she wants.

Respond by telling her what you want. And when these things are clear, work out a compromise that allows you both to get the best of all possible worlds.

I might add that you’re probably going to have to reassure her several times before she really believes that this is what you want her to do, and it hardly goes without saying that if you start expressing annoyance, irritation, or aggression, that’ll be the end of any chance you had of getting her to express herself honestly.

While we’re on the subject of understanding what a woman means, it’s hopefully unnecessary to point out that statements like: “I don’t want anything for my birthday this year” do not mean what they appear to mean.

You might have an issue with the fact that she’s saying this kind of thing, but don’t take her at her word.

Buy her a beautiful gift even if it’s something small, and then tell her reassuringly and gently, that you’d really prefer it if she said directly and clearly what was on her mind.

One of the problems is that women naturally test men by throwing out clues and hints and even contrary suggestions (such as the “don’t buy me anything for my birthday” line). It’s just as bad as men lying, in my view, and the best way to deal with it is to tackle it directly and cleanly.

To quote from the website link above:

“Harry had a secure long-term relationship and found women constantly interested in him. When his woman acted ‘moody’ he listened and gave her the space to talk. He stayed true to what he felt and ensured she understood that. He was confident in himself and was not affected by the wild emotional swings he was experiencing. He knew what was good for them and was open and straight with her, even if it ‘hurt’ her. They stayed together.

All three men had the same advantages in terms of looks, wealth and other ‘important’ issues, so what’s the difference in their behavior, given that the women initially acted the same way each time? The difference is in how they reacted to female testing, that reaction resulted in the dramatically different results.”

The only reason she’s doing this kind of thing is because that’s how she’s learned to approach men: she might want to let you off the hook because she feels guilty about taking your time or attention — that’s a massive issue for a lot of women.

You see, while this blog is about men learning how to pleasure women (i.e. be sexual), and please them as well (not the same thing, in my book – I see this as keeping a woman happy, and sex is only a part of that!), there’s a responsibility on both members of what we call a partnership to please each other.

She may feel bad about accepting things from you — another problem for a lot of women, most of whom are brought up to give rather than to receive.

What Women Say vs What Women Want To Say

It may be really hard for her to express the fact that she wants something — hence she behaves in a way that you might see as manipulative or dismiss as “feminine wiles”.

Happy couple with woman smiling at camera
Is what she says she wants, what she really wants, or do you have to translate her meaning?

All of us, men and women alike, need to learn how to communicate directly clearly and honestly. Once we do that, the deception, the double meaning, the guessing games, and the lies will all fade away.

Finally, it’s not unusual for women to see their men’s ability or willingness to provide them with gifts as an expression of how much they love them.

The flaw in the logic is that when it comes down to it, most women appreciate time and closeness with their man just as much, if not more, than an expensive gift.

If she looks longingly at something beautiful that costs a small fortune, you can probably assume that it’s an expression of her desire for you to show her how much she is worth to you, and not necessarily a desire to have the beautiful expensive gift!

On the other hand, there are times where you just have to learn to use your intuition and work out what it is she actually means. Good luck!

An amusing video about the differences between men and women