Do men and women mean different things when they talk about romance? And why do men find it hard to be romantic, except perhaps in the intense excitement of a new relationship? What is it about romance which pleases a woman so much?
One thing’s for sure – women want much more romance; unfortunately a lot of men don’t know quite what it means to be romantic. When you read descriptions of what women claim to mean by the word “romance” you quickly come to understand that romance for a woman is simply about affection, attention, and time spent together.
One way to think of romance is this – it’s anything which shows her you’ve taken the time and trouble to give her some special attention – the kind of attention that makes her feel like she’s appreciated and valued.
So the little gestures which show you’re thinking of your woman in a sweet, loving way can be the foundation of romance.
How To Romance Her
There are many ways in which you can behave romantically – all of them will show her you know how to please a woman, that you care about her, that you’re thinking about her, and you want to give her the romance she craves.
You see, romance doesn’t have to involve big gestures like expensive trips to hotels and financially ruinous presents. Oftentimes, the small gifts and small gestures of appreciation will do just as well in pleasing your woman. (If there are any women reading this, here’s what romance might mean to a guy.)
One thing that’s certain is that if you get this right, she will warm internally — no, she’ll melt! — and that means you’re likely to be enjoying a passionate sex life pretty regularly. That will, of course, give both you and her great fulfillment, satisfaction and sexual pleasure in bed.
Video – How to be romantic (advice for men)
Now, I don’t want you to think that romance is just a means to get sex from a woman. That’s far too cynical. A much healthier way of seeing it is as a form of foreplay, which warms her heart and primes her mind so that she’s ready to open up her body to you sexually.
I think if women are honest about it, they’d admit I’m right about that. It follows that the best way to be romantic is to get to know your partner well and to work out exactly what she’d appreciate most. So, for example, flowers are an obvious romantic gesture, and they’re really valued by women. But there are more individual things you can do to please your partner:
- leave little notes for her lying around the house expressing your love for her, or how much you enjoy being with her, or how much you look forward to giving her pleasure in bed
- work out an evening routine of romantic interaction — bathe together, light candles in the bedroom, put petals on her pillow, offer her a massage…
- kiss her unexpectedly, tenderly, and passionately
- tell her, sincerely and clearly, what you like about her and what she’s done for you
- create a special romantic day once in a while that you spend together, perhaps ending with a romantic dinner for two.
Of course, I could go on but I don’t think it’s necessary: if you’re a man and you’re interested in a woman, romance comes naturally.
At the same time, I’ve heard it said by many men that when a relationship has been going for a while, there’s no point being romantic. Why not?
This seems very uncaring of a woman’s needs and wants, and surely you want to please her? After all, she’s probably spending a lot of time making you feel good, so why not return the favor?
Romance doesn’t have to be difficult. In fact, if you do things you both enjoy as well it can be positively delightful for you as well!
But the fact that we men so often forget anniversaries or birthdays does say something quite remarkable about our priorities — it’s almost inconceivable that she’d forget your birthday or your anniversary. You see, you’re special to her.
Without going into the whys and wherefores of this, just accept that she really values these romantic occasions. And show you appreciate her by putting them in your diary each year on January 1 so you don’t forget them (unless you like living with anger and resentment, that is!).
Kissing – The First Steps in Pleasuring Her!
Most women think kissing is one of the most romantic things that a man can do for them, so it’s important that you know how to do it well. A good kiss can really change the way a woman feels towards you, not to mention the fact that kissing can get her in the mood for something more sexual.
So what’s a good kiss? One that pleases her, for sure. It isn’t just about putting your lips on hers and pressing hard! You need a bit of technique, and the best way to get this right is simply to focus on what you’re doing.
In other words, when you’re kissing her put all of your affection, attention and focus into your lips and tongue; focus on sending her your warmth, appreciation and love through your lips and tongue. You might want to put one hand behind her head, or place the palms of your hands on her cheeks as you kiss her.
Men usually control the way a couple kisses, since they’re usually the ones who instigate it. It’s therefore up to you to set the tone and to make sure you’re kissing in a way that show you know how to please a woman — which means doing it in a way that suits her, not in the way that suited your last girlfriend but one! You need to be flexible and ready to change styles with different women.
Women will pick up a lot from a kiss: they’ll know whether you’re feeling passionate, attached, affectionate, detached, indifferent, selfish, nervous, … or whatever. One of the questions that often arises around kissing is whether or not to use your tongue, and if so how to do it.
Well, the first thing is to make sure that she’s actually enjoying it once you place your tongue in her mouth. How would you know that? Answer: take it gently, and see how she responds.
She’s likely to respond more passionately when she’s more turned on; in the early stages of a romantic or sexual encounter, she’s likely to be (and to want you to be) more restrained.
So, for example, you might want to just run the tip of your tongue gently round the inside of her lips and see how she responds before taking the tongue contact any further.
Let’s face it, you’re an adult man, you’ve had some sexual experience (or maybe plenty of sexual experience), so you ought to have the discernment and discrimination to know when she’s enjoying what you’re doing and to respond to her enjoyment by pushing things further forward.
In the end, it’s about consideration of her feelings, and respecting what she wants by taking it at a pace that is right for her. You’re the leader here, and that’s the way both she and you will feel comfortable and safe. One final point — don’t forget kisses communicate meaning – forget a tender kiss can communicate love, while a passionate kiss will convey sexual desire.
Moving On From The Pleasant Kiss
One thing every man over the age of 18 ought to realize is that sex is a heck of a lot better when the woman you’re with has been seduced and wooed with romance, then gently aroused with foreplay, before you even begin to think about more sexual interaction.
Of course, foreplay can be sexual – there’s no clear dividing line between foreplay and sex. In general it takes 10 to 20 times longer for a woman to get aroused than it does a man, so you can see that an awful lot of preliminary action is needed before you even begin to think about oral sex or penetration.
Foreplay And Women
For a woman, foreplay involves kissing, touching, gentle caressing, whole body contact, looking into each other’s eyes, exchanging loving words, gentle touches, cuddles, hugs, more kisses, and then more of everything I just mentioned — and then some more — before moving on to more sexual contact like gentle touches of hand on breasts, nipples and vulva, or intimate caresses with your tongue or lips on her breasts, labia, clitoris, or vulva.
One of the big questions for many men is why women want to go so slowly at first.
This is basically because women see sex differently to men. For a woman, the act of opening up to literally allow you inside her body is both a physical and a deeply psychological thing; before she can fully embrace you as her lover she has to trust you, and although it may sound like a cliché, one of the aspects of this trust is knowing that you don’t want her just for sex. And anyway, foreplay can be great for you both.
I’m not denying that it’s possible for a woman to have a relationship with a man which is based purely on mutual sexual desire.
Rather, what I’m saying is that in general, most women, most of the time, need to trust a man before they can fully open their bodies and their sexual selves to receive him fully.
It goes without saying that a woman who is primed in this way is going to enjoy sex much more, and it’s going to be a heck of a lot more enjoyable for YOU, too!
So, yes, she may have sex with you before she fully trusts you and is emotionally ready to open up to you, and it may even be very satisfying for you as a form of physical release, a form of vaginal masturbation, but it won’t have the quality of partnered sex where the woman is fully with you physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
But there’s more to it than just the issue of trust — don’t forget friendship.
Being friends with somebody before you go to bed with them gives you a good foundation of understanding and empathy, which ultimately makes sex easier, and allows you to look forward to just being together as well as enjoying physical intimacy.
As we know, men love to chase women, and love the reward of ultimately getting the conquest – the thrill of having the woman who attracted them.
In the passion and excitement that can ensue, try to keep in mind — no, do keep in mind — the need for caring words of appreciation, and expressions of your feelings towards her: telling her honestly how you feel about her will cement your relationship with her and offer her reassurance about what exactly you want from her.
Finally, it’s often much better to slow things down and wait for sex than to trying get it at the first opportunity.
Unless you’re actually out to exploit a woman for her body, taking things slowly, letting them move at their own pace, and allowing your feelings for each other to evolve naturally to the point where you want sex can take a great deal of pressure off you go and make the sex much more pleasurable and relaxed when it finally happens.
You need to remember also that once you’ve crossed the line with a woman and gone to bed with her, her expectations of you and your relationship are almost certain to change: she will then have an expectation of greater commitment.
If you’re not ready for that, perhaps you really need to consider whether or not the appeal of sex is sufficient to run the risk of you and her developing conflicting expectations.
What about sex itself? We’ll talk about that on another page, but for the moment, I’d say, get some basic knowledge. If you’re interested, find out how to give a woman an orgasm easily. And also, if you have premature ejaculation, get it under control. If you have problems reaching the point of orgasm, you may want to find a treatment for delayed ejaculation. You see, it is anathema to a woman when her man can’t come – she tends to think it’s because she’s not attractive enough to turn him on! This is not a recipe for sexual success!