Pleasing Yourself Is Important Too!

Among all the words on this site about how to please a woman, it’s important to remember that sexual satisfaction is a two-way street – and that your satisfaction is just as important as your partner’s.

So how are you, as a conscientious man who wants to ensure that you please your woman when you make love, going to protect your own investment in sex?

I say “investment” because the time and effort which you put into sex, with the objective of pleasuring your partner, needs to be rewarded by you yourself getting sexual satisfaction and joy from the relationship.

How To Enjoy Sex More!

Happy couple in bed
Relationships should provide pleasure and satisfaction for both partners!

One of the best ways, perhaps, to ensure you get sexual pleasure is to organise your relationship with the principle that the man and woman are of equal importance in any sexual relayionship, and so is their satisfaction.

And since I believe that the tips below will lead to equality of pleasure, relationship success and sexual pleasure for both you and your partner, you might feel you want to try them yourself.

To start with, we have the interesting idea of putting sex in the diary.

Yes, put sex on your calendar.

How strange this sounds to those of us who have have spontaneous sex when the mood takes us. But it’s absolutely true – couples who are happiest with their sex lives apparently schedule sex.

One of the reasons this seems to work is because when sex is organised solely on the basis of spontaneous desire, there are plenty of excuses on hand for a couple to avoid it! (Read the case for and against scheduling here.)

Schedule sex in your calendar
Is scheduling sex a good or bad thing?

And let’s face it, we all know that in some ways, it can be easier to avoid sex than to start the process of foreplay and getting aroused, no matter how great the rewards of orgasm might be.

In fact, on all the occasions where I felt resistance to having sex with my partner on a spontaneous basis, and I’ve gone through with it, I’ve been absolutely delighted that I did – not only has sex been very pleasurable, but I have always felt a renewal of my bond to my partner and our relationship has been more harmonious for some time afterwards.

So scheduling sex, and therefore knowing that a timeslot has been reserved for it, seems to provide much greater motivation so that you can easily overcome those bothersome initial resistances to sexual interaction.

In fact it turns out that research has demonstrated that at least some couples in long-term relationships enjoy better sexual experiences if they do indeed schedule sex into their diaries.

This may seem like an imposition, or slightly unromantic, but you could see it as an exquisite form of foreplay and anticipation if you chose!

The next tip which seems to be successful for couples who want to enjoy sex more and exchange mutual pleasuring is to ensure …

… that they have privacy and time to themselves.

I think in practical terms this meas you create the environment you want – you put a lock on the bedroom door, you disconnect the phone, you remove the television, and you ban the kids from entering the bedroom.

In other words this is about putting yourself and your sexual needs and desires first, and in doing that, you make a statement of how important it is for you to have time to please your partner.

So this isn’t just about getting and giving sexual pleasure, it’s also about making a clear statement that sex is important to you – and it certainly is, because we know that women who have orgasms on a regular basis in a relationship are much happier outside the bedroom.

In other words, the happiness of orgasm spreads well beyond the bedroom – and that’s true for men as well as women!

Having suggested earlier that you schedule sex, the next tip might seem a bit strange:

Enjoy a quickie when you want one!

There are times in all our lives where pressures of children, home, work and family, can threaten to disrupt our sex lives.

But don’t underestimate how important it is to maintain a sexual connection with your partner even if you only have the chance for “quickies” – in fact, these are a very useful way of avoiding dry spells in your sex life.

For the next tip, I’d like you to consider for a moment how sexually adventurous you are.

The most successful sexual relationships, which I suppose means the ones with which people are the most pleased, are the ones which incorporate a mix of the predictable and the unexpected.

So don’t be completely conventional, but on the other hand don’t be so adventurous that you forfeit intimacy and trust.

This applies to many different aspects of your sex life.

While lots of couples have a good sex life which is based on doing the same thing in the same way the same time on a regular basis, other couples need to mix it up a bit – and that can include making love in different places, outdoors perhaps, or taking a romantic break at a hotel.

If you have the motivation, which is probably generated by the reward of good sex with great orgasms,  you can always arrange to have time to yourself – leave the kids at their grandparents, or hire a babysitter and go to a motel. Adventurous sex is about intention and desire.

And it won’t surprise you, perhaps, to learn that the next tip is….

…..All About Good Communication.

Indeed, research has proven that the best sexual relationships are enjoyed by those couples who have the best communication.

Communication - a key to great sex
Good communication outside the bedroom leads to great sex later!

And when you think about it, that makes sense. How can you tell you partner what pleases you, what would give you pleasure in the bedroom, or more specifically during sex, unless you are able to communicate?

Pleasing your partner shouldn’t be a matter of chance – and certainly for men, knowing how to please a woman should NOT be something you just read about on the Internet!

In reality, for both men and women, good communication can lead to surprising revelations about mutual desires which, when you try them, can increase the pleasure of sex a great deal!

And by the way, don’t feel you have to have your conversations about sex and sexual desires when you’re making love! Better to talk about what you want when you’re not in the bedroom; by doing that, you will establish greater intimacy as well.

Next: avoid any excuses that you use to stop having sex.

Having a headache, feeling tired, stressed, or having an argument, are all ostensibly good reasons for not wanting to be intimate with your partner.

But strangely enough, sex relieves pain, it helps reduce stress, it helps you sleep better, and you’ll find disagreements tend to dissipate in the face of the loving intimacy that comes from enjoyable orgasmic pleasure.

In essence, the more you allow your sex life to be disrupted by excuses which aren’t based in honesty or reality (which may simply be that you don’t want to have sex), the more likely these excuses are to become permanent blocks to enjoying mutual intimacy and orgasmic pleasure.

And if you really do find that you simply don’t want to be intimate any more with your partner, then consider seeing a therapist and resolving your difficulties.

That way you can return to a pleasurable sex life with mutual satisfaction – pleasuring your partner and receiving pleasure in return.

You may or may not realize that a great deal of trust is required for sex to reach the apogee of pleasure.

When you think about it, though, this becomes obvious: if a couple benefit by experimentation, or having an adventurous sex life (and most do!), then they need to be able to trust each other enough to enjoy the adventure as it unfolds.

Furthermore, perhaps particularly for a woman, opening her heart and being fully vulnerable during sex is indeed a matter of great trust.

The more that you feel intimate with your partner, the more you trust each other to respect your sensitivities and vulnerabilities, the more likely you are to enjoy sexual pleasure.

Of course it’s very easy in any relationship to say something critical or disrespectful without really intending to do so. That’s why it’s important such events are not left to fester and destroy trust, but are discussed in an intelligent way with active listening.

If you need to know more about communication skills you can read about them here.

One of the most important ways of ensuring you continue to want (and feel) sexual pleasure is staying in shape and paying attention to your appearance.

That way you will continue to find your partner desirable and he or she will find you desirable.

But sexual pleasure isn’t just about physical attractiveness, as you might well have guessed. Your sex drive or libido has a clear relationship to your overall health, as indeed does your sense of sexual self-esteem.

When you think about these tips, it becomes obvious that sexual pleasure is not something which is difficult to achieve – in fact really it’s a matter of common sense!

However, you do need to make some effort …..  but when you make that effort, you’ll find that sex can provide more pleasure than you ever imagined possible!