Secrets Of Successful Sex

If you want to know how to please a woman, well, we have some great ideas…

Video – Pleasuring

Of course the expression “how to please a woman” really means “how to sexually satisfy” a woman.

There are many aspects to this. Some of them are obvious. For example, a satisfying sexual relationship depends on knowing what each partner desires in bed and knowing how to give pleasure to a woman. These are all aspects of being able to offer your partner what she wants: an emotionally and physically satisfying relationship.

Kissing a woman
Sexual pleasure requires sexual skill and knowledge of sexual techniques

However sometimes scientific research can help us learn about the best ways to please a woman in bed. How useful that scientists have looked at what leads to sexual satisfaction in both men and women.

Sexually Pleasing?

One study conducted in 1992 researched 2250 men and women between the ages of 18 and 74. It proved that in general, women are less satisfied with sex than men.

It seems this is because of men’s “one-sided sexual technique”. As if you couldn’t guess, that means men prefer sexual techniques which give them orgasms. Oh dear. What about women’s pleasure? 

Well, talk about sexual equality and female emancipation makes no difference to the reality. Women still experience less pleasure and satisfaction from sexual intercourse than men.

So, read on if you’re interested in knowing how to please a woman. You can find out what girls love men to do in bed. You can find some techniques that will make it easier for you to please a woman in bed. You might even be able to redress the orgasm gap in your relationship (you have more orgasms than her, right?)

Oddly, how pleased a man or woman claims to be with their sexual experience is closely related to their previous or past sexual experiences.

Why is that? Well, because it seems that what we expect of sex is mostly about how much we enjoyed our early sexual experiences.

historical image of cunnilingus
Your sexual history is a direct determinant of how pleased you are with your current sex life.

So if your first experiences of sex are bad, you might assume that sex is always going to be unsatisfying. This will only change if you meet a partner who takes the time and trouble to learn how to please you in a way that is genuinely satisfying.

In other words: most people put up with inferior sex! They never demand more, or better! And women in particular are especially reluctant to ask for more….

It gets worse. It seems if you are younger or come from a middle-class background you are likely to enjoy better sex. This is probably because younger and better educated men and women know more about sexual pleasure (and how to get it!) 

There are many other factors at work, too. For example, women say they get more emotional satisfaction and physical pleasure from longer term monogamous relationships. Maybe a faithful one-to-one relationship gives two people plenty of opportunity to learn how to turn each other on and make each other come. 

Several studies show a woman’s sexual satisfaction is greater when she’s had fewer partners.

signpost - past and future
Your past sex life directly influences how satisfied you are with your current sex life.

Interestingly enough, one thing crops up as very important in women’s sexual pleasure. Get ready, guys – this could be the clue to your future happiness. And your partner’s sexual pleasure. Women get more pleasure when their men delay their orgasms until the woman has had an orgasm.

Hang On In There, Guys!

A man delaying his orgasm seems to please women very much! It’s respectful, loving and kind. It also ensures she is not left unsatisfied after her man has reached orgasm and enjoyed his own pleasure. (In heterosexual couples, sex usually stops when the man has reached orgasm and ejaculated.)

Some other less obvious factors also play a part in women being able to get sexual satisfaction and pleasure.  For example, being in a committed relationship with access to effective contraception are key factors in women getting sexual pleasure. And that means reaching orgasm easily and frequently. 

Interestingly enough, frequency of sex is not related to women’s sexual pleasure and satisfaction. However, the better the quality of the relationship, the more likely the woman is to be sexually satisfied. This all suggests that a woman gets greater sexual pleasure and satisfaction in relationships where the man knows how to please her. Hardly surprising, but well worth pointing out.

You have to be a sexually skillful man to please a woman in bed.

Another key indicator of women’s sexual pleasure and satisfaction is good communication. Once again, it’s not hard to establish why. Good communication is a vital part of enhancing sexual arousal, of saying what excites you and what does not. And communication also makes it easy for a couple to express their sexual needs and say what they want during sexual pleasure.

Unsurprisingly, research shows anorgasmia is more common in women who cannot easily express and communicate their sexual needs and feelings.

So although orgasm is only one aspect of a sexual relationship it is probably the most important. Certainly it is the most important measure of female pleasure and satisfaction during sex.

Do you know how to please a woman?
Do you know how to please a woman?

Extraordinarily enough, between 4% and 10% of adult women have never experienced orgasm at all. Even among women who do come during sex, orgasmic pleasure is often intermittent or inconsistent.

Is this because their men don’t know how to please their women? Or is it something more subtle? 

Perhaps we should distinguish between emotional sexual satisfaction or “happiness” in a stable relationship, and physical sexual satisfaction. The latter is more about how pleasurable sexual intercourse seems to either partner.

No Unpleasant Surprises?

Unsurprisingly, a woman’s sexual pleasure is closely related to the emotional closeness of her relationship. Her pleasure is enhanced when she and her partner are sexually well informed, experienced and creative in bed. 

Finnish researchers have interviewed women between 17 and 84 they know what women are looking for in a sexual relationship! Nothing surprising – a stable relationship, emotional closeness, good communication, and mutually pleasurable sex. 

People in general claim to be more satisfied with their sex life now than people interviewed in the past. In fact both sex and relationships seem to be more satisfying than 20 years ago.  In particular, women find sexual intercourse much more pleasing with each generation that goes by.

That’s great. What’s even better is that women say they enjoy sex almost as much as men. Even better still, emotional satisfaction, happiness, in relationship, has also increased as time’s gone by. 

Some tings never change, though. Only a third as many women as men consider their first experience of sexual intercourse to be pleasurable.

Better news: satisfaction with sex after the first few times is about the same for both sexes. Around 26% of men and 29% of women found sex as a whole “very satisfying”. And 58% of women and 52% of men found it “quite satisfying”.

You might think that the term “quite satisfying” seems slightly surprising. But perhaps all of us are accustomed to putting up with a sex life that doesn’t give us the greatest pleasure possible. Maybe the difficulty is that in a long-term relationship we can become complacent. For some reason, as time goes by, sex somehow becomes less interesting and satisfying. And between two and five years  into a relationship  sex somehow goes off the boil. 

(Read more here: sexual boredom.)

As you might expect, orgasm frequency is different between men and women. Up to 97% of men report they experience orgasm “almost always” or “usually” during intercourse. Only 54% of women say the same thing.

Does this really tell us anything about how a man might pleasure a woman better?

I think it does, when you extract the bits of information which help men give women pleasure in bed. Remember this example from above? woman is more likely to get sexual pleasure when her man’s considerate enough to delay his own orgasm. 

Or this? Good communication and emotional intimacy is very helpful to making sure women enjoy sexual pleasure as well.

Here’s another fact to chew on. Intercourse which involves female orgasm is more pleasing for women than intercourse which does not. However, coming during sex is not as important for a woman as feeling satisfied with the relationship in general.

And yet another! Women who are loved and who love their partner frequently engage in sexual intercourse and often reach orgasm. Again, this contributes to her sexual pleasure. It also enhances the quality of her emotional life.

There’s also a cultural influence at work here. We find it much easier to talk about our sexual failure and lack of orgasm than our success. Many people felt they would be seen as “boasting” if they talked about sexual success and loving relationships. 

For men, the takeaway information is simple. Love your partner and be considerate towards her. Make sure she is  satisfied during sex and take into account her sexual needs. Always communicate clearly and openly with her. That is how to please a woman. No surprises there, really, I think!

Sometimes scientific research can be valuable too in learning how to please a woman!