Of course it isn’t. It’s much more about knowing what pleases your partner, sexually. And that will vary from one woman to another.
It means taking account of your partner’s specific needs, and it means knowing how to behave in a way in bed that meets both your needs and your partner’s.
After all, sex is meant to be a pleasure for two people. So what, then, is the essence of great sex? Is it possible to learn how to please a woman? Or please a man, for that matter?
First of all, pleasurable sex and pleasing your partner is mostly about consideration. Simply taking your own pleasure without thought of her needs (kiss, rub breasts, insert, ejaculate) is selfish – you have to pleasure your partner unless you have both specifically agreed that this is a “quickie”, designed for the thrill of sexual release and nothing else.
And pleasing a woman means taking time to ensure she gets what she needs – slow gentle arousal, slow engagement, stimulation at a pace that is right for her.
An increasing rate of sexual stimulation that takes her on a sensuous journey all the way through to her orgasm and recovery stage of her sexual response cycle.
Your Body During Sex
No matter how good you are at the mechanics of sex, it will count for nothing if the woman you’re with isn’t receptive to you.
First and foremost in the list of requirements for good sex is your ability to convey to the woman that you’re with the fact that she isn’t just a sex object, that you like her as a person, you’re not there just because you want sex with her. To be fully turned on, she has to trust and respect you.
No matter how much she likes sex, she’s going to need to know that you know how to please a woman and that you want to make love to her, and not just any woman that you happen to be able to get into bed. She must know that pleasing her pleases you.
So, assuming that you do want to be in some kind of relationship with the woman you’re trying to get into bed, then bear in mind the following simple fact: if you enjoy a lot of foreplay with her, the sex, when you get down to it, will be much, much better.
In fact, here’s one of the most important facts you will ever learn as a man: knowing how to please a woman means knowing the only way to have really good sex is to enjoy extensive foreplay which really arouses her: the more foreplay you enjoy with her, the more she’ll enjoy sex, the more enthusiastic she’ll be, and the more fun you’ll have! And she will certainly be pleased with the effort you have made to satisfy her in bed.
Of course what I said above implies there’s a distinction between foreplay and sex. In reality, there is no such distinction, as they blend seamlessly into each other.
What you have to remember is this: to ensure she is ready for sex, she needs 10 to 20 times as much foreplay is you do.
Now, that can be problematic for many men (and their partners), because sexual response in many men is almost instant. (At least, most women would probably see it that way!)
Whereas a man can get an erection after two minutes, insert and ejaculate within another two, the implication of most research is that most women need around twenty to thirty minutes’ foreplay before they are ready to achieve orgasm. How is this gross disparity in what might be thought of as male and female “sexual needs” to be resolved? The answer can only lie in the man knowing how to please a woman, tempering his sexual responses and paying more attention to her needs.
What are the advantages of foreplay?
To start with, apart from the obvious fact that it ensures a woman is ready for sex both physically, emotionally and spiritually, it actually reinforces the bond between you, it provides greater intimacy within your relationship, and it relaxes you, so that when you do get down to sex (by which I mean penetrative sex, oral sex, or mutual masturbation), she’s much more likely to have an orgasm, and you’re much more likely to have a very enjoyable experience with her.
For the man, one clear advantage of foreplay is that he is much more likely to be aroused to the point where his erection persists without any fear of losing it. After all, in my work as a sex therapist, I have discovered that men’s most common fear is loss of erection – and men’s most common sexual dysfunction is – yes, you guessed it, loss of erection. Erection problems are the curse of men’s sexual self-confidence.
Just what is foreplay? Is it the best way to please a woman?
Even if you haven’t been in a situation yet where you’ve been tempted to just “take” a woman sexually, to push into her, to take your pleasure regardless of her wishes and desires, there’s likely to be a time in your life where this happens.
Suppose you’re incredibly turned on, you’re with a woman who really excites you, you’ve been talking, you’ve kissed, maybe you’ve even undressed and you’re naked together, you have a hard erection, and judging by her responses she seems to be just as excited as you are. What next? Do you know how to pleasure a woman successfully, so she’s happy with your sexual “performance”?
Well, let’s suppose for a moment that at this point your desire overtakes you and, lying on top of her, while kissing her passionately, your penis magically finds its way into her body and you begin to “make love” (i.e. fuck her). It’s a feeling like no other: it’s the ultimate male sexual pleasure, to have a willing woman, to dominate her, to take her, to reach climax and ejaculate deep inside her. It’s exciting, it’s pleasurable, and it’s incredibly fulfilling of you as a man. However….. she may not feel too pleased about it.
So did you ever stop to ask yourself how she felt about it? It’s entirely possible, that if she was really aroused at the height of her desire, she too found it a very enjoyable experience. It’s even possible she reached orgasm; but, as we know, that is rather unlikely, because only a very few women reach orgasm through intercourse, and in the situation described she would need to have been extremely turned on, and probably getting some clitoral stimulation as well to reach orgasm.
Would it surprise you then, if after you’ve done the deed, and you’re lying back congratulating yourself on a job well done, her attitude turns cold on you? You’re feeling very satisfied from having sex; she seems to be pissed off. What went wrong?
The obvious answer is that you didn’t actually know what she wanted, you didn’t know how to please her in bed, and most of all, she didn’t come.
And the implication is that you didn’t even try to make her come. And here you are, trying to learn how to please a woman. Good. You can do it better next time, now you know how.
I’ve said before, but I repeat here, because I think it’s incredibly important: bear in mind that most men come quite quickly after penetration, while most women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm.
Also remember that a woman usually needs 20 minutes of foreplay (at least!) before she’s aroused enough to want intimate sexual contact, the best sex for both of you will only be achieved when you take the trouble to warm her up, give her an orgasm through oral sex or masturbation, and then share the joys of penetration and your own orgasm with her.
Importance of Foreplay
You’ll want to do this, if for no other reason than the fact that you’re a thoughtful, considerate, caring man, not a selfish exploiter who just wants a quick fuck. And of course you also want to know how best to please a woman. Even though you get an erection and you’re ready to go, or at least that’s how it feels, it just isn’t the same for her. 14 foreplay tips to please your woman.
Talking to her, establishing a connection, enjoying gentle physical connection, kissing, and sensuous touch is all essential to get her warmed up, get her juices flowing, and get her in the mood before she wants to be sexual with you. You can think of this as a process that has two stages: the first stage is you talk to her, so that your minds get to know each other; the next stage is that you kiss, touch, caress and cuddle, so that your bodies get to know each other.
Only when she’s convinced that you want to “know” her for her own sake, not just as a quick lay, and only when her body has had enough of the right kind of stimulation, will she be really ready for sex. To know how to ensure that a woman is ready for sex is an essential part of being a man. It’s also an essential part of knowing how to please a woman in bed.
These are the things that a man should know – but unfortunately they are not the kind of things that most men learn from their fathers (or indeed anywhere else).
It takes a savvy kind of guy to know how to please a woman sexually, to bring her to orgasm, to give her a great time in bed. If you think you lack this knowledge, then this may be a helpful resource for you. A program to give a woman an orgasm is Orgasm By Command Review written by the current internet guru on sexual matters – Lloyd Lester.
Now, what she’s never going to tell you is that she expects you to know this. She expects you to follow that plan. She expects you to be sensitive enough to know how to please a woman and meet her needs in this area. And the truth is that unless you do those things, you’re not going to enjoy good sex (and, if it’s a casual date, you’re probably not going to see her again). What often puzzles men is that women will go along with them and have sex, even if some or all of the above “conditions” are not fulfilled.
It’s easy to assume that if a woman does have intercourse with you, she wanted it, she was ready for it, and if she seems grumpy or displeased afterwards, you’ll probably wonder why.
The truth is that she probably did it just to please you. You don’t want that kind of sex.
So if you’re going to enjoy good foreplay, you need to see foreplay as a way of enjoying yourself with your partner, and arousing her at the same time, not as a tedious task that just has to be done before you get the reward for doing it (access to her body).
In some sense of course, foreplay begins well outside the bedroom. You could even argue that it begins the moment you decide you want to go to bed with someone, because from that moment on your actions will be directed to that outcome. What you say to your partner, both before and during physical intimacy, is also a vital part of foreplay.
As you know, your words can turn your partner on: what you say to her can make her melt emotionally, and her body prepare for intimacy with you.
Words like: “You’re so beautiful, so sexy, so desirable” or “I love being with you, your beautiful body makes me feel so excited” or “You feel so good” and “I love to hold you and kiss you” or “I love the scent of your body and the taste of your secret special places”…and so on.
Come on guys! Knowing this stuff is part of being a man. Knowing how to please a woman is part of being a man. You can think of many more techniques, I’m sure – though if you can’t, you need to clued up on how to be sensitive and romantic in what you say to your partner.
While you want to hear how desirable you are, and how much your woman would like to feel you inside them, and other similar expressions of admiration for your manhood and masculinity, women like to hear compliments, expressions of how you feel towards them, and personal words that show your appreciation and affection for them.
This is beginning to sound a bit like Romance 101, but it’s interesting how few men have the sensitivity, or the training, to charm a female partner with what they say. (And I’m not talking about the charmer, the lothario, who seduces a woman with words, uses her, and then abandons her.) I’m talking about basic male knowledge about how to please a woman so she is sexually responsive.
I’m talking about learning how to be the man who clearly and directly says what he feels from his heart: if you don’t know how to do that now, get a bit of coaching from the following website which will help you turn your words into romantic messages that go straight to your lover’s heart.
It follows therefore, that something like “I love being intimate with you” goes down a heck of a lot better than “I’d really like to f**k you.” At least, that is, in the initial stages of your interaction. There’s nothing wrong with hot, horny talk when you’re both extremely aroused and in the midst of passion.
But even then, be sensitive.
Don’t go plunging in until you sure that she’s going to respond by being turned on, or that it excites her as well. You might even want to discuss the matter before you get into bed, when your feelings of arousal are not distorting your judgment. And if you want her to talk dirty to you, simply tell how much it arouses you. Again, this is all about knowing how to please a woman.