Of course what women really like (just as men do) is foreplay that makes them feel good. And if you genuinely want your partner to feel good she is likely to be much more responsive to your caresses. So – think for a moment – just how can you make her feel good?
Be slow, attentive, kind, connect with her feelings and emotions, don’t dive straight for her genitals, and give her the space and time she needs to get aroused.
Bear in mind that if she senses you’re not enjoying yourself or you’re not really into the foreplay, she might still let you move on to full sex … but, as you know by now, this is isn’t going to be a success because he may well believe you either do not know, or do not care, about her needs – and she may well assume you don’t know how to please a woman – which is a bit of an insult for her, when you think about it.
Women are very sensitive to the fact that men get bored with foreplay: if pleasing men is one of her “programs” then she’ll probably go along with you, but you won’t get great sex.
If you care about the woman you are with you can think of foreplay as sharing pleasure. And if you’re thinking of sex as being nothing more than penetrative sex then you’re making a mistake.
Much of foreplay is sex: besides caressing, touching, kissing, it includes mutual pleasuring, oral pleasuring and really any other kind of play you want to engage in. In other words, foreplay is sex just as much as intercourse is.
I’ve already described at considerable length how women worry about what men are thinking. This is just as true in the bedroom as it is everywhere else.
If she can’t pick up clues from you, as you make love, about how you’re feeling, she may conclude that you’re not enjoying yourself, at which point she’ll start worrying whether she’s doing it well enough and she may start pestering you about how you’re feeling, which is pretty much guaranteed to end the pleasure for both of you.
The way to deal with this is simply to know some simple things about pleasing a woman – knowing how to tell her how you’re feeling, by means of verbal and non-verbal signals: moans of pleasure, whispers of delight, or simple straightforward statements about how good it feels will go a long way to reassuring her that you’re enjoying yourself.
You might have noticed how nothing turns you on in your bedroom like a woman who is turned on, a woman who’s responding to what you’re doing to her.
Did it ever occur to you that this is also true the other way round? She gets incredibly excited when she senses your unleashed passion and enjoyment of what you’re doing together. So don’t hold back! Let go, make as much noise as you want, lose your inhibitions and show her you love a good time with her!
It might strike you as a strange notion that men can be inhibited in bed, but it’s absolutely true. Nowhere is this seen more clearly than in men who have delayed ejaculation, a condition where they find it difficult to ejaculate, if not impossible, despite long-lasting intercourse with their partners.
That condition affects about 10% of men, perhaps slightly more, but it’s only one end of the scale of inhibition which to some extent the effects all men.
You don’t have to shout so loud that the neighbors ring the Fire Brigade. Just make a bit more noise, and you might be surprised how it adds to your enjoyment of sex — and this includes the noise you make when you come, for the louder you express your pleasure, the more powerful your orgasm will be. Try it and see!
When you are in touch with the energy of sex to the full, you get in touch with the energy of life, and you get in touch with your passion. You also get in touch with your ability to please your partner.
That can be passion as in sexual arousal, or it can be passion as in “enthusiastically engaging with life in a wholehearted way”.
As far as making love is concerned, the watchword is: build it up slowly, give and take, and let passion you so that you lose your editions when you express how you’re feeling.
Specific ideas for men to know better how to please women in their lives
leave little notes around the house telling her how much you love her (or whatever you feel like expressing)
call her or text her during the day with her subtle (or not so subtle) message about how much you’re looking forward to seeing her that evening — and why!
touch her (in a nonsexual way) when you’re out together in public places
kiss her in a public place — she might be embarrassed, but secretly she’ll love it
take the time to discuss things with each other
take the time to read to each other
take the time to play games together on a regular basis
wear a masculine fragrance that you know she likes
flirt with her — in particular, give her that look which says “You know what I want to do to you!”
run your fingers gently over her skin
give her a shoulder massage, or a scalp massage if you know how to do it, when she’s looking tense — or even when she’s not
caress her face and head gently, kiss her passionately looking into her eyes as you do so
give her a hug whenever the opportunity arises
make everything you do in the bedroom slow and sensual, including undressing her
kiss and caress every part of her body, including the ones that up till now you haven’t seen as places where you might kiss her
give her a sensual massage on her back, her legs, her thighs — wherever it seems right, and wherever she likes it
take a shower or bath together
leave scented candles around the bedroom if you like them (don’t give your power away by tolerating stuff you find unacceptable), and leave petals on her pillow before you guide her gently to the bed to make love to her
and don’t forget the excitement of frottage — get your clothed bodies together and rub your genitals together through the clothing (if you want to tease her, you can then break off, leaving her wondering what’s could happen next … and of course, that’s up to you!)
One of the best techniques for generating arousal is to gently stimulate the skin. Start by using your hands in a conventional massage. You don’t really have to know anything about massage techniques to do this — just use some oil and rub your hands over your partner’s body.
Stimulating her skin in this way gets her “into” her body. If you’re both naked, then rub your whole body length from top to toe over hers, making sure that you support your weight in your arms so you don’t squash her. (Knowing such things is essential to being a good lover. It gives her the confidence you know how to please a woman in bed.)
Let her feel your hardening manhood (your erection) brush over her body as you do this, but don’t make it overtly sexual — not at this stage anyway.
Then take time to stimulate the skin with other things such as a feather, or silk, or by blowing warm air across her skin. This is all about enlivening every nerve ending so that her whole body begins to tingle (or your body begins to tingle if she’s doing it to you).
It is amazing how sensual and erotic this can be, how arousing it can be for both a man and a woman be stimulated in this way.
And of course there will be a point at which you want to move on to massaging the genitals — and that’s fine if you spend enough time preparing for it. You could even use your mouth on her intimate areas, and she could return the favor for you.
You may well find when you do this is that because of the different way in which the energy builds up it takes longer for a man to reach orgasm that it would normally if his partner is masturbating his penis.
Men with a premature ejaculation problem may be surprised how much stimulation they can take from their partner without going over the edge and exploding!
It’s actually a beautiful technique for building up arousal, a technique that can allow you to experience much more powerful orgasms later.