An interesting fact is that women who regard sex as “important” are more likely to stay sexually active over time. In a way that’s not surprising, I guess.
So here’s how we know this. Researchers at the University of Pittsburg asked 354 women aged between 40 and 65 years who were enjoying sex on a regular basis what was going on for them around arousal, orgasm, sexual satisfaction, pleasure and pain. And also researchers asked these women how important lovemaking was to them.
They carried on interviewing these women for eight years. At the end of the eight-year period, over 85% of the women who regarded sex as “important” in their lives were still enjoying regular sexual intercourse.
So what was helping these women to enjoy sex on a regular basis?
The answer, interestingly, is that enjoying sex into later life is not about sexual function – it’s about the fact that they perceived sex as more important. And for “important” you can assume women are talking about intimacy, bonding, and their men knowing how to please a woman in bed.
And surely this must mean the more you prioritize sex in your life, the more likely you are to have good sex, and the more likely you are to go on enjoying orgasms into later life?
How to Have An Orgasm
But let’s ask another question – why does this matter? Is it just a matter of sexual pleasure, feeling good, and enjoying the satisfaction that orgasms can bring us? Or is there something more fundamental going on here?
The Power of Orgasm
Interestingly enough, orgasms release oxytocin in the bloodstream, which is a feel-good hormone, and a bonding hormone. At some simplistic level, having an orgasm actually makes you feel good – and in fact that’s both emotionally and physically. Endorphins released during orgasm can soothe pain.
So those sound like two very important reasons to have regular orgasms, but the science of sex gets more fascinating still.
Apparently having sex once or twice a week actually boosts your immune system. Amazing, who knew?
But on a more serious level, enjoying an orgasm with a regular partner serves to bring you close together in many different ways.
In particular, women who have orgasms with a regular partner on a regular basis, speak more positively and warmly about their partners than those who do not.
The implication here is that the pleasure and satisfaction that is derived from regular orgasms spills out into the relationship beyond the bedroom.
And indeed, people who have sex four times a week apparently look about 10 years younger than they actually are. (Although another possibility is that people who are naturally youthful simply look 10 years younger and enjoy sex more because they have more energy. But regular sex is worth a try in holding back the years, surely!)
And of course when you go beyond the physical aspects of sex, it is an emotional process.
Sex starts with romance, and it ends with romance, in the form of cuddling – because after orgasm partners feel the need to connect.
That’s a biological thing, the product of hormones which flow into the bloodstream at orgasm. And yet, reaching climax not only makes you feel intimate physically, it also boosts your confidence.
That’s true for both men and women: shared orgasms make two people feel more loving, more connected to each other, and more deeply satisfied and fulfilled in their relationship.
Fascinatingly, people who make love frequently will demonstrate more emotional feelings towards each other – they actually feel the need to touch, to kiss, and to hug each other – and they do it freely in public, because they are less inhibited.
When you have an orgasm, the oxytocin which floods your brain makes you feel love and trust for your partner more strongly!
And for a woman, whose life is, as a generality, much more emotional and feeling-based on a man’s (and let me reinforce the fact that this is just a generalization), having regular sex will provide pleasure both in bed and out of bed.
It will also promote greater intimacy during intercourse, as well as providing the deep satisfaction, pleasure and fulfilment of orgasms, and indeed the satisfaction, pleasure and fulfilment of bonding with her man in a meaningful relationship afterwards.
If there was any proof of the power of sex, here it is: the more you make love, the more you want to make love.
Making love increases your libido – which makes you feel progressively more connected and bonded with your partner, and makes sex feel better each time you have it.
To say that lovemaking is a way of getting to know your partner might sound like a cliche, but it’s absolutely true! When you are intimate with somebody, you let them see a side of you that is not normally visible to anybody else.
Not only that, but making love with your partner helps you learn what you can do to please a woman in bed, and in particular in the process of getting to know them better than anybody else does, you have the satisfaction of knowing how to satisfy her.
And let’s not forget a simple fact: you don’t need a reason to make love, you can enjoy doing it simply because it’s fun and because it makes you happy and because it pleases you to pleasure your woman.
If you want to achieve greater pleasure, or you want to enjoy yourself more, enjoying more lovemaking is definitely a great way to achieve it.
Do You Know The Secret Of Pleasing Your Partner?
An interesting piece of research conducted by SA Miller and ES Byers and reported in the Journal of Sexual Relationships, 2004, demonstrated that the expectations of lovemaking between men and women can be quite different.
They asked 152 heterosexual couples about their perception of the ideal duration for foreplay and intercourse, and compared that with the actual duration of intercourse and foreplay.
They also asked these couples to say what they believed about their partners’ preferred and ideal length of foreplay and intercourse.
You may not be surprised to learn that men wanted significantly longer intercourse than women.
Also, it was clear that women significantly underestimate the amount of time men want for both foreplay and intercourse.
Regrettably, both men and women had some very inaccurate perceptions about men’s ideal sexual behavior.
For example, men were generally perceived as wanting significantly less foreplay and intercourse than they actually wanted.
And so it seems people really project their own sexual stereotypes onto their partners, and they don’t really give much thought to what their partners want.
This seems unfortunate. It implies people are not communicating about their sexual desires or about what would really give them the most pleasure in bed.
And if you don’t do that you can’t really know how to please a woman in bed. You’re just guessing!
There is only one way to remedy this: to get together in a relaxed environment and talk about what you want, about what will please you in bed, and to ask your partner about their sexual desires, preferences, and expectations.