How To Please A Woman

If you want to know how to please a woman, well, we have some great ideas…

Video – Pleasuring

Sometimes scientific research can be a valuable pointer towards explaining questions that we all ask but don’t really know the answers to – such as “how to please a woman”.

Of course in this context, the expression “how to please a woman” means how to sexually satisfy a woman.

There’s a level of commonsense involved in being able to establish a satisfying sexual relationship – knowing what each partner desires in bed, knowing how to give pleasure to a woman, and knowing what women really want in bed, are all aspects of being able to offer your partner what she wants – both on an emotional and a physical level, in a sexual relationship.

Kissing a woman
Sexual pleasure requires sexual skill and knowledge of sexual techniques

However there is also the very real possibility that scientific research can offer  us clues about the best ways to please a woman in bed – and scientists have not been afraid to investigate what they call “predictors” of sexual satisfaction of both men and women.

Sexually Pleasing?

On the basis of a study conducted in 1992 on 2250 men and women between the ages of 18 and 74, we can say with a fair degree of accuracy that women are in general less satisfied with sex than men.

One of the things that leads to this dissatisfaction is what was described as “a one-sided sexual technique” – needless to say, that description encompasses sexual techniques which offer men sexual (i.e. orgasmic) satisfaction – but not women.

It would seem, therefore, that despite progress made in sexual equality and female emancipation, women still experience less pleasure and satisfaction from sexual intercourse than men.

So: read on if you’re interested in knowing how to please a woman. You can find out what girls love in bed, and you might be able to redress the imbalance in your relationship (if there is one), or find techniques that will make it easier for you to please a woman in bed.

Interestingly enough, one of the primary findings of research conducted over the last 20 or 30 years is that how pleased a man or woman claims to be with their sexual experience depends to a large extent on their previous or past sexual experiences.

In other words it seems that there’s a consistency to somebody’s sexual experience – and that’s perhaps related to the expectations that people bring to sex.

historical image of cunnilingus
Your sexual history is a direct determinant of how pleased you are with your current sex life.

So historically based expectations might lead a person to think that sex is always going to be unsatisfying, unless they are later introduced to a partner who is willing to take the time and trouble to learn how to please them in a way that is genuinely satisfying.

There’s also some other interesting correlations between sexual pleasure and satisfaction and youthfulness and coming from a middle-class background.

This is probably because there is greater education information about sexual techniques in members of this social group.

So, for example, it turns out that women say there’s more emotional satisfaction and physical pleasure for women in monogamous relationships than there is in polygamous relationships.

Here again, perhaps this is because a faithful one-to-one relationship gives plenty of opportunity for two partners to learn precisely what sexual techniques and practices will please the other.

And it’s true that in several studies, sexual satisfaction is inversely related to the number of sexual partners a woman is currently involved with.

signpost - past and future
Your past sex life directly influences how satisfied you are with your current sex life.

Interestingly enough, a very specific clue to achieving sexual pleasure for women emerges from this research: the women who have one partner indicate that their male partners often delay their own orgasms until the woman has had an orgasm.

This consideration certainly pleases women very much, because it’s respectful, loving and kind, and ensures that she is not left hanging after her man has reached orgasm and obtained his own pleasure (the point at which sex between a heterosexual couple usually concludes).

Some other unsurprising conclusions – at least unsurprising when they are pointed out – may also help us to understand what pleases women in a sexual relationship.

It turns out that committed relationships and effective contraception, are key to knowing how to please a woman.

Another is how often a woman reaches orgasm.

Interestingly enough, frequency of sex is not related to sexual satisfaction, but overall relationship quality is.

This all points to a woman achieving greater pleasure and satisfaction in relationships where the man knows how to please her – hardly surprising, but well worth pointing out.

You have to be a sexually skillful man to please a woman.

Another key indicator of success, which we can roughly translate as satisfaction, is effective communication.

Once again, it’s not hard to establish why: communication is one tool in enhancing sexual arousal, and it also plays a vital part in a couple being able to initiate or refuse sex, expressing their sexual needs and ensuring that those sexual needs are fulfilled during intercourse or sex play.

Indeed to prove this point, as if it needed emphasizing, researchers have shown that anorgasmia in women is directly related to how well able they feel to communicate sexual desires, needs and wishes.

Yet of course, orgasm is only one aspect of a sexual relationship, but it is the most easily quantifiable index of satisfaction during sex.

Do you know how to please a woman?
Do you know how to please a woman?

Extraordinarily enough, between 4% and 10% of adult women have never experienced orgasm at all, and a large proportion of the rest seem to experience orgasmic pleasure inconsistently.

Is this because their men don’t know how to please women? Or is it something more subtle? 

There is a need to distinguish between emotional sexual satisfaction – which is roughly equivalent to “happiness” in a stable relationship, and physical sexual satisfaction, which is related to how pleasing sexual intercourse seems to either partner.

It’s not hard to imagine that pleasing a woman sexually is going to be closely related to (1) the emotional connection between the partners, and (2) the level of knowledge, experience and creativity they have around sexual techniques and practices.

By interviewing this large sample of adults aged between 18 and 74, the Finnish researchers were able to establish some clear indicators of the best ways to pleasure a woman, and what women were looking for in a sexual relationship.

Importantly, too, it seems that in comparison with a previous survey from 1971, people in general report they are more satisfied with their sex life now than in the past. Not only that, but peopel claimed stable relationships felt happier, and sex as a whole seems to be more satisfying than 20 years before

Women in particular considered sexual intercourse much more pleasing in 1992 than they did in 1971 – in fact almost as pleasurable as men.

Furthermore, emotional satisfaction, which is to say happiness about the quality of the relationship, also increased in the 20 years between the two studies.

Sexual intercourse was said to be “very pleasurable” or “quite pleasurable” although only about a third as many women as men considered their first experience of sexual intercourse to be pleasurable.

General satisfaction with sex was about the same for both sexes: 26% of men and 29% of women found sex as a whole “very satisfying”, while 58% and 52% respectively found it “quite satisfying”.

Now, considering how good sex can be, and how pleasing it can be for both men and women, the term “quite satisfying” seems slightly surprising.

But perhaps all of us are accustomed to putting up with a sex life that doesn’t give us the greatest pleasure possible. Maybe the difficulty is that in a long-term relationship there can be an element of complacency and – as many people will recognize – sex somehow ceases to be as interesting after a while: between two and five years into a relationship it somehow goes off the boil…. 

(Read more here: sexual boredom.)

Needless to say, orgasm frequency is different between men and women: 97% of men report “almost always” or “usually” experiencing orgasm during intercourse – whereas only 54% of women say the same thing.

Does this tell us much about how a man might please a woman?

I think it does, but you have to tease apart the complex research findings to get to the nuggets of information.

We’ve already seen one: a woman is pleased when a man’s considerate enough to give a not orgasm to woman before he himself achieves orgasm.

And another is that good communication (and the intimacy which that implies) seem to be pleasing to women as well.

A third: intercourse which involves orgasm is more pleasing than intercourse which does not, but this in turn relates to satisfaction with the relationship in general.

A fourth factor in pleasing a woman: women who are loved and who love their partner frequently engage in sexual intercourse and often reach orgasm – factors which both tend to make a woman pleased with her sexual and emotional life.

There’s also a cultural influence at work here, which the researchers identified: it’s much easier to talk about sexual failure and lack of orgasm than it is to be seen as “boasting” about sexual success and sublime love, or some variation thereof.

For men, the takeaway information is this – love your partner, be considerate towards her, make sure that she satisfied during sex, take into account her sexual needs and communicate clearly and openly with her. That is how to please a woman. No surprise there, perhaps!