How To Please A Woman In Bed
The first thing you need to remember is: don’t be shy! By this I mean that if you have trouble finding a woman’s clitoris, you need to make sure you locate it with elegance and grace rather than fumbling around like a naive 16-year-old.
So do you know how to please a woman in bed? And if not, are you interested in finding out? Let’s start with some anatomy. Do you know where her clitoris is to be found?
If not, you can incorporate your discovery of how to pleasure a woman into your love play.
There are many ways to do that — an obvious one is to kiss her gently and seductively all way down her body from mouth to chin to throat to breasts to belly to pubic region to clitoris … if you have your fingers and your mouth down there you should be able to find her clit without too much trouble!
That’s not a particularly skilful thing to do, but it does illustrate the qualities of a good lover: confidence, taking the trouble to please her before you please yourself, and finding a way to overcome difficulties (perhaps by actually talking to her – maybe even asking her what she likes or wants you to do!).
You’ll notice that this list of qualities doesn’t include the ability to give a woman an orgasm.
That’s because it’s actually really important to know how to please a woman and connect with her before you get into bed; once you can do that, giving her an orgasm is much much easier.
Remember also that she needs reassurance that you’ll take the time it takes to see if she can come — knowing full well that she may not do so. At least she’ll have the best possible opportunity to explore whether or not it can happen for her when you make love if you adopt the approach described. This kind of consideration is exactly what girls like in bed, and you may find this is all you need – sensitivity – to fully a girlfriend in bed.
Another point to be aware of is that if your woman is inhibited, she may be very reluctant to try anything beyond sex in the missionary position, and she may not have much experience of reaching orgasm during sex. Here’s what askmen thinks about coping with this situation.
The best way to tackle this is to work slowly, slowly, slowly to build her confidence so she can more openly and easily express her sexuality. You can really help her here by knowing the best ways to pleasure a woman, so you can build up her confidence. Discussing these issues when you’re outside the bedroom, and just enjoying time together, can also help her develop trust in you.
It’s a real shame that so many women (and quite a few men, too!) find sex embarrassing or shameful. It’s the product of the way we were brought up by parents who didn’t know any better, or by caregivers who deliberately or otherwise inhibited the expression of our natural joyous sexuality.
This section covers some techniques and principles that may help you feel more confident when discovering how you can discover what your woman likes in bed.
There are those who would say that it isn’t the man’s responsibility to bring a woman to orgasm: that she is in fact responsible for her own sexual pleasure. While I know exactly what these people mean, in reality in most couples the man finds great satisfaction in knowing how to bring the woman to orgasm, and most women are very happy to lie back and go for it.
It feels right, doing it like this. It feels natural to the woman to get the appreciation and attention of her man; it feels right to the man to be in the position of giving or leading his woman an orgasm, of knowing exactly how to please her in bed.
What Women Like In Bed
One of the problems with offering this kind of advice on how to please a woman is that there are an infinite number of ways to stimulate a woman (or a man) for that matter.
Furthermore, every woman has her own individual preferences, styles of arousal, and erogenous zones.
What this means is that if you try and use a pattern of stimulation that worked with another woman, you may find it has no effect at all on the one you’re with this time: individual discovery is everything.
Sexual skills that make you a great lover
Even though being a good lover means communicating emotionally with a woman before you get into bed, and even though being a really great lover involves finding out about the little things that turn your woman on, there are still some basic things you need to know!
First is that a woman may not be able to tell you specifically what she wants, what pleases her, the sexual techniques which will best satisfy her in bed — because sometimes she doesn’t actually know!
As we said before, sex, love and romance are not the same for a woman as they are for a man: your penis was obvious to you from the day you were born and the fact that you could play with it whenever you wanted encouraged the development of your sexuality.
The inward facing, partially hidden genitals of a woman could be a metaphor for her sexuality — mysterious, turned in on herself, not obvious to you, and probably not that obvious to her either.
The Mysteries Of Female Orgasm
So your first problem is overcoming the uncertainty of what she actually wants. That’s why you have to make a bit of an effort to find out how to please a woman, to find out what she wants in bed.
Take it from me, women are perfectly capable of communicating whether something is good or bad, whether they want more or less of it, how it feels or whether it’s working for them, even when they’re in the midst of their sexual arousal. They can do this, even though they often say they can’t when getting sexually aroused on the way to sexual satisfaction.
The problem is that they women believe if they communicate in words it will take themselves away from their sexual arousal: but communication doesn’t have to be complicated, it can be as simple as a murmur, a yes or no, or even a guiding of your hand with hers to the point where she’d prefer you to be stimulating her.
It’s not fair for women to expect men to know how to please a woman in bed, to know how to meet their sexual needs, if they don’t cooperate in communicating what those needs are.
Often women get irritated when a man doesn’t do what they want — but sometimes they haven’t communicated what they want, and sometimes, they just expect you to know! So the first thing to do is to encourage your partner to communicate clearly and simply about what she wants.
That’s not a conversation to have when you’re already in the bedroom trying to take her to orgasm! Have that conversation when there’s no pressure on you, when you’re both feeling relaxed, when you’re feeling connected to each other.
The next thing is that men tend to overlook the need to know how to please a woman in bed in favor of that they think women like (often assumed to be what men like!)
For one thing, to start with she needs a very gentle stimulation across the whole of the area of her vulva, labia, inner thighs around her pubic area. The last thing she needs at this stage is his attention to her clitoris! (That’s to say, this is the last thing in a series of other things…. like arousing her with whole body caressing…)
She also needs plenty of lube: saliva is perfectly adequate if nothing else is available, but you may find a water-based lubricant helps the slipperiness that aids female sexual arousal.
And – at least to start with – she doesn’t need direct contact on the clitoris, she needs stimulation around it (bearing in mind of course that these are just guidelines, and it won’t be surprising if you find a woman who wants something different to what I’m suggesting here!)
As a man you know how sexually satisfying it is when you speed up the stimulation that you give to yourself with your hand when you masturbate. But most women don’t want that: in fact they want the opposite – when they say something is feeling good, they want you to carry on doing exactly what you’re doing.
Their slow, gradual rise into sexual arousal means slow steady stimulation is called for. It also means you really do need to know how to please a woman, because only when she’s nearly at the point of orgasm, that’s almost at her point of no return, will she want faster and harder stimulation of her clitoris: and then, speeding up stimulation and increasing pressure will tip her over into orgasm — most of the time!
For there are times when a woman’s orgasm just slips away unaccountably, for no obvious reason at all, to deprive of pleasure, no matter how skillful at pleasuring her you may be.
It’s likely to be because some disturbing thought has crossed her mind and interrupted her progress to orgasm, and while it’s possible that you may be able to start again, it’s equally possible that that’s it for the day! (But read this on orgasm inequity.)
All of these things are a mystery to men, and require patience, tolerance and understanding. But to pleasure a woman properly, you need to understand them.