We all know about foreplay, though some of us men think of it more as “chore play”.
You know how it goes: your woman expresses “an interest”, gives you that “come to bed look”, you spring to attention, and then you find yourself locked into – oh, as much as 10, or 15 or even (god forbid!) 20 minutes of kissing, caressing and cuddling before you can even get near her pussy.
Sometimes you find yourself wondering if it’s worth it, if the boredom of foreplay is just too much for the reward of pleasuring her with an orgasm, and why don’t you just use your hand – at least that would be a lot less trouble!
A Better Way Of Pleasuring
What a pessimistic and despondent view of sex!
This is the woman you love, this is the woman with whom you’re in relationship, this is the woman who wants to pleasure you in bed.
And while fully accepting that many men do find foreplay, well, shall we say, a little tedious, surely you can make things much more interesting, so you get over this very male problem that seems to center around the belief that knowing how to pleasure a woman is all about f**king her?
So let’s get one thing straight, first of all. Do you actually want to pleasure your woman in bed or not?
Do you want to give her an orgasm, do you want to satisfy her in bed? In short, do you want your wife or your girlfriend to be sexually fulfilled?
If the answer to any of those questions is “no”, and you can’t be bothered, then stop reading now, end your relationship, and find something (or someone) more worthwhile to do with your time. (Like doing the dishes – you never know, that might lead to sex too!)
If your answer is more like “Of course I want to give her pleasure, but I wish sex was more interesting”, then read on, because we have several suggestions for you.
The Art of Pleasure
Pleasuring a woman is actually about getting into her mindset.
To start with, there’s no way she’s going to be as horny and as aroused as quickly as you are. For her, pleasure is something that comes more slowly, more sweetly, and more subtly.
So to provide her with the pleasure in bed that she craves, and avoid being bored silly while you do it, you’re going have to find a way of arousing her which excites her and perhaps even brings her to orgasm, without making you feel like you’d be better off watching the TV.
And the answer that seems to be oral pleasure. Cunnilingus. Going down on her.
You see, lots of women find oral pleasure the most satisfying (ans even easy) way of reaching orgasm.
For men in general, knowing how to satisfy your wife in bed is about discovering the techniques which will most reliably bring her to orgasm, and doing it with an intimate connection. And oral pleasure does all of those things!
For one thing it’s a really intimate act. For another, it’s one of the easiest ways to bring a woman off.
So if you’re looking for the best way to pleasure your girlfriend, then oral sex is high on the list. It’s an intimate act, and for women it represents an attitude on the part of their man which is about pleasing her, pleasuring her, doing what the woman wants.
Now of course you know as well as I do that getting your face straight in there isn’t going to work: she doesn’t want you to do that, and it’s not going to please her if you do!
What you have to do is find something else to arouse her to the point where she’s ready for immediate attention to her clitoris and vulva. And that something is very simple – and it’s something you like – kissing! Kissing her lips, and kissing her breasts.
But you’re not going to do that until you’ve run your hands lightly and sensuously over her entire body, because I’m sure you know also that a woman’s biggest sexual organ is her skin – or her brain (or perhaps they’re both just as important as each other!)
By delicately caressing her skin, by holding her like a man as you do so, and by kissing her, you move her into a space where she’s ready for romance and intimacy. In other words, penetration.
In fact, kissing alone will give her great pleasure – women see it as sensuous and romantic act and gain great pleasure from it. So if you want to know how to pleasure a woman, kissing her sensitively and delicately is a good start.
And really, it won’t take long for her to want you to pay attention elsewhere in her body, so if you kiss her delicately down her neck to her breasts, and then tease and play with her nipples with your lips and tongue, she’ll be turned on, and moaning with pleasure, in no time at all.
Indeed if you have a good understanding between you, at some point soon after that you can ask if she is ready for you to pleasure her “down below” – using a special question you have between the two of you, perhaps.
For example: “Are you ready for me to pleasure you in your Jade Garden?” [Substitute whatever words you and she have for her vulva and clitoris at this point.]
And you’ll find that if she is aroused, the taste and scent of her vulva and her love juices are going to turn you on, and then you’ll find this an exciting and pleasurable thing to do for her, whether she be your wife or girlfriend, rather than a chore.
So “chore play” really has turned into exciting and pleasurable “foreplay”.
Because, after all, men like to bring a woman to orgasm very much – it makes us feel powerful, it makes us feel sexual, and, let’s face it, it gives us a great deal of pleasure too.
So knowing how to please a woman orally should be high on your list of important sexual knowledge. If you want some information about this, then you can click here.
But don’t stop after a few minutes. Why should you? Keep going until she reaches orgasm!
This is an approach which gives a woman great pleasure, but it’s about more than just pleasing her in bed – because when she’s come, her level of arousal will stay high for much longer than yours does.
In fact, when she reaches orgasm, hormones such as oxytocin and brain opiates pour into her system, and that makes her feel very bonded to you, which means she wants intimacy with you… And here, intimacy means penetration.
So you then enter her (with sensitivity and care), and you savor the moment, or you take her in a dominant way – it’s up to you, because almost anything at this stage is going to pleasure your woman in bed and make her thrill with delight.
And you can then take your pleasure, hopefully with a reasonable degree of ejaculation control so you can last for at least a few minutes before reaching orgasm and ejaculating while she is enjoying giving you pleasure in bed.
It’s a wonderful approach to sex which is win-win for both the man and the woman, and it gives you and her great pleasure.
It avoids any difficulty that you might have about not being able to last long enough during sex to bring to orgasm, because she’s already had an orgasm. (And here, you should remember that very few women can reach orgasm through vaginal thrusting alone, even if it goes on for a long time.)
Perhaps the most compelling reason why this is such a good plan for male and female couples is that the ideal length of intercourse as described by women is 10 to 13 minutes, while most men ejaculate in an average of 5.4 minutes.
In other words, unless you put a lot of time and effort into learning how to last longer bed, and learning how to please your woman in bed, you will find that you have set yourself the impossible task of pleasuring a woman through vaginal thrusting in the face of the unsurmountable obstacle of your inability to last long enough in bed.
And while it might be fun to try that as a project (I mean to learn how to last longer in bed, to last long enough to bring your woman to orgasm through vaginal intercourse), how much more enjoyable it is to give her oral sex, to feel yourself becoming more and more aroused before she climaxes…… and then to take a brief break, before entering her, enjoying the greatest pleasure she can offer you, fully aroused and ready for you, mentally, physically and emotionally.