As you’re reading this book we know that you’re interested in achieving greater sexual pleasure!
This probably also means that you’re happy to take a great deal of responsibility for your own sexual pleasure. If so, you’re not likely to see yourself as a victim of circumstance, but rather as a person who creates their own reality.
This probably gives you a sense of control over your life and the ability to change it in the way that you want. Currently you’re making a choice to exercise control over your sexual pleasure.
So ask yourself what inhibits your achievement of sexual pleasure, or even perhaps orgasm? Is it inexperience, or a lack of information about sexual techniques?
Is it the belief that your partner’s orgasm is more important than your own and that your chief duty is to provide him or her with an orgasm while sacrificing your own pleasure in some way?
Could it be that you lack some vital information about how your body responds in certain sexual circumstances, and you’re therefore not experiencing the full capacity of your body to respond sexually?
Perhaps you really believe that orgasms only last for between 2 and 10 seconds, and that, good as they are, they really can’t be improved upon?
Or if you examine your deepest beliefs, do you find that you somehow limit the amount of pleasure you can experience? (A fundamental belief for many people is that pleasure is limited and must be counterbalanced by struggle and effort.)
Our ambivalent attitude to sexual pleasure is demonstrated very clearly by the fact that so many taboos exist around discussing the details of our sensual and sexual experience.
Yes, you may believe that it is inappropriate to discuss such personal matters, but let me ask you why? is it really any more appropriate to discuss the details of your heart bypass operation, your prostatectomy, your hysterectomy, or any other operation which you may have been through?
What would be the response of most people if you started telling them about your massive extended orgasm, and the changes in your body that accompanied it (such as copious vaginal lubrication, massive amounts of pre-ejaculate fluid emerging from your penis, energy flow through your genitals, and orgasms whose contractions continued for minutes at a time)?
Yet the odd thing is that we’re all human, we all have the same sexual equipment, and broadly speaking we have similar sexual experiences.
We all know that we have orgasms and we all know how pleasurable they are, yet somehow we also intuit that discussion of these matters is unacceptable.
It’s quite perverse, really, because a man or woman who is experiencing extended, mind blowing orgasms tends to be much happier and much more positive than people who are not, yet we still seem to focus on the negative, the painful, and the discouraging rather than the uplifting, the vital and the life enhancing (such as the potentially unlimited pleasure of orgasm!)
Mutual Pleasuring and Your Sex Sessions
From time to time in achieving greater sexual pleasure, you’ll come across suggestions that strike you as — well, anything really, from ridiculous to laughable.
When this happens we invite you to consider whether or not it’s some deeply held belief that has no basis in reality which is causing you to react in this way. For example, what would you say if we asked you to schedule sex in your diary? One likely answer is that sex should be spontaneous and that to put it in the diary somehow devalues it…. or makes it less pleasurable.
But consider this, in your pursuit of greater pleasure: putting sex in the diary gives you the opportunity to know in advance that you have time reserved for your own pleasure, time which you’ve booked as yours. This is an act which reflects your desire to achieve greater sexual pleasure, or to provide greater sexual pleasure to your partner.
Doing this can both help you to avoid other commitments, and to avoid a sense of guilt that may accompany something which seems so self-indulgent. For, after all, you are making a choice to engage in a program of greater sexual pleasure, and that requires commitment on your part.
You night also believe that sex “should” involve an exchange of sexual favors with your partner (as in): “First one person reaches orgasm, then the other; that’s the way it’s meant to be!”
Maybe you believe that sex is no good unless you both come (or cum) during intercourse, perhaps even at at the same time. Well if you do, you’re going to be disappointed for much of the time! (Simultaneous orgasms are as rare as hen’s teeth.)
But the reality may not stop you from ruining your own sexual experience by listening to these prejudices, false beliefs, myths — call them what you will.
So, in the context of extending your orgasms and obtaining greater sexual pleasure, you need to accept that from time to time the exchange of pleasure will be one way: that you will be pleasuring your partner, or that your partner will be pleasuring you — without any expectation of return.
Video – expanded sexual response
Obstacles to success
The best atmosphere to achieve an extended mind blowing orgasm is one of trust and respect with your partner. Unfortunately many of the issues that crop up in day-to-day relationships can get between you and your orgasm. So we’ll now examine a number of these issues in the hope that you can avoid the problems that otherwise might arise.
First of all it’s important to remember that whatever you read in the newspapers or other media is not a good guide to human sexuality — and it’s certainly not a guide in any way whatsoever to YOUR particular sexuality!
Men and women can easily develop a sense of insecurity around their sexuality and sexual behavior because they believe that they are not “normal”. But the only measure of what is normal for you is what you do and what you are comfortable with.
That includes aspects of your sex life such as how often you have sex, but it also includes such things as your fantasies, how you enjoy yourself sexually, and how you and your partner interact during lovemaking. It’s true that while you practice extended mind blowing orgasms, you may need to question some of your established beliefs, and perhaps even change your methods of sexual pleasuring.
Nonetheless this is not a reason to be distracted by what you see or hear going on around you. The more you are able to stay in the present, the less distracted you are by what is going on around you, and the more you can focus on what you are feeling in the moment, the greater your chance of success in achieving mutual extended pleasuring.
Anxiety is normal during any sexual adventure: the way to deal with it is by consciously deciding that you approve of who you are and what you are doing, remember you have the power to discuss any issues that arise with your partner, and then throw yourself wholeheartedly into the sexual journey that lies ahead of you.
Secondly a lot of emotions will come up for you as you get closer and more intimate to your sexual partner.
That’s very natural indeed, but if you don;t know about it in advance, it can be a surprise when you find yourself feeling irritated, say, as you start to enjoy a mutually pleasurable sex session with your partner.
The truth is that sex can be very intimate, and the more intimate it becomes, the more open you are to the feelings which you may have repressed in your day-to-day life.
We all get irritated with our partners — it’s only natural because we don’t talk about all the resentments, minor irritations, and annoyances that can arise in everyday life.
The problem is that these can find a way out during sessions of intimacy as irritation or even anger. We’ll talk more about these in the next post.